You're Beautiful
by elohimdancer319
Summary: Decisions to be made, words to be said... Luby in love
1. How Sweet it is to be Loved by You

_Disclaimer: As much as I wish I did, I don't actually own these characters. TPTB and NBC do. _

_The song is 'How Sweet it is to be Loved by You' by the Temptations_

_Warning: This is a bit spoilerish if you haven't seen Season 12. This story takes place right after 12.14, 'Quintessence of Dust'_

**You're Beautiful **

_**Chapter One: How Sweet it is to Be Loved by You**_

I opened the door to my apartment, quickly closing it again to keep out the cold.

"Abby?" I called out. I walked over to the living room, where the TV was on. Abby was fast asleep on the couch; one hand on her stomach, the other holding the phone to her chest. I sent up a prayer of thanks. I was getting worried about Abby, she barely sleeps. And she needs her rest for the baby. Reaching down, I brushed the hair out of her face, letting my fingers gently stroke her cheek.

God, she's beautiful. I can't believe how lucky I am to find this- the love of a beautiful woman- not once, but twice in life. It's been a long time since Danijela died. I let her memory ruin what I had with Abby the first time. Never again. While I will always love Danijela, Abby has my heart now.

Images of Jasna and Marco crossed my mind. I still miss them, my family, but the pain has lessened.Mostly thanks to Abby, she's given me a second chance. I covered her with a light blanket, allowing my hand to rest on her stomach where a slight bump was forming. It's hard to believe how drastically things have changed in the last four months. Abby and I are back together and having a baby. I'm going to be a father again! I know Abby has her fears, but I also know everything is going to be okay. I love her so much and everything just feels right. We're so happy; I can see it in the way she smiles. In every laugh and kiss and touch. I kissed Abby's forehead and settled into a nearby chair to finish up some paperwork and watch her sleep.

"_How sweet it is to be loved by you  
How sweet it is to be loved by you_

_I close my eyes at night  
Wondering where would I be without you in my life_

_I want to stop and thank you baby  
I just want to stop and thank you baby"_

_xxxxxxx_

I opened my eyes, trying to remember why I was on Luka's couch and what I'd been doing with the phone. Ah, calling Maggie. It was Luka's suggestion. I was nervous, very nervous, about telling my mother I was pregnant. Turned out there was no need for it. Maggie was so excited, going on about how she would finally be a grandmother. It was all I could do to get her off the phone when she found out the father was Luka.

"Luka? That Euro doctor? Oh, Abby, I'm so happy for you. I knew he was the one! It was the way he stared at you. How does it feel to live without fear, to enjoy life?" I sighed, smiling.

"It feels wonderful, Mom."

"I'm glad, sweetie. I know you can do this; you'll be a great mom, Abby. This baby will be perfect." I closed my eyes and thought about the amnio. The baby really is fine.

"The amnio was normal, so chances are the baby will be healthy."

"You'll be fine, Abby. This is it, this time." She paused for a moment, thinking. She went on, her voice softer. "You really love him, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do." It was the first time I'd admitted it to anyone, including myself. "When are you coming to visit?"

"Oh, I don't know. Whenever you want me do, honey."

"Alright. I'll call you, Mom."

"I love you, Abby."

"I know. I love you too, Mom." We hung up. I wandered over to the couch and fell asleep watching TV.

I looked around and immediately saw Luka stretched out on one of the couches. I got up, throwing the blanket aside, and walked over to him. He was asleep, a stack of papers on the coffee table. He looked so sweet when he slept. I pushed his gorgeous, dark hair off his forehead, taking a moment just to drink him in. I imagined his green eyes, twinkling with amusement, and his beautiful smile. Tall, dark, handsome _and_ mysterious indeed. How I ever managed to grab him was beyond me. He's sweet, caring, and unbelievably hot. Especially in bed. I don't deserve him and yet he still wants me.

He's seen so much sadness and heartache. It's made him who he is, a strong person who wears his heart on his sleeve. He's supported me through this whole struggle with the baby. I know how badly he wants to have children, but he stood by me when I wanted an abortion. I walked out of that clinic knowing I could never do that to him. Then came the realization that I want this baby as much as he does. I want make him happy, as happy as he makes me. I love him so much. Now if only I could tell him that.

"_How sweet it is to be loved by you  
How sweet it is to be loved by you  
I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were  
I needed someone to understand my ups and downs and there you were  
With sweet love and devotion  
Deeply touching my emotion"_

_xxxxxxx_

Abby bent over to kiss Luka at the exact moment he opened his eyes. She was surprised when he responded to her soft kiss. He sat up and pulled Abby into his lap.

"You're awake." He said.

"Yeah, I woke up to find _you_ asleep. When did you get in?" Luka looked at the clock.

"A few hours ago. I had a couple things to I needed to finish up at the hospital. What have you been up to?" Abby almost seemed to hesitate.

"Oh… um, I called my mom." He smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. She's happy for us. She couldn't stop going on about you." Luka laughed.

"So she likes me, huh? I won her over with my European charm?"

"Yes, you did."

"I'm proud of you, Abby, for telling her." Abby sighed.

"It wasn't easy."

"I know." Luka said softly. He waited for her to speak, taking her hand in his.

She looked down at their hands before looking up at Luka again. "Thanks, Luka." He looked at her, puzzled.

"For what?"

"For being there to support me, for pushing me to talk to Maggie, and, most of all, for just being you. That's one of the reasons why I love you." Luka looked a little surprised. "I do love you, Luka." He smiled then, his heart in his beautiful, green eyes.

"I love you too. I've always loved you, Abby, always." He leaned in, kissing her with that last word. After a bit Abby pulled back, resting her head on Luka's shoulder. They sat like that for a while, just holding each other.

_"You were better for me than I was for myself  
For me, there's you and there ain't nobody else_

_I want to stop and thank you baby  
I just want to stop and thank you baby  
How sweet it is to be loved by you  
How sweet it is to be loved by you"_

_xxxxxxx_


	2. At Last

_The first verse is from 'More Today Than Yesterday" by Spiral Staircase _

_The second verse is from "At Last" by Etta James _

_The third verse is from "I Will Take Care of You" by The Bangles. _

_Sorry for all the different songs. I couldn't make up my mind. I wanted to use a song that had played on ER, but there wasn't that 'perfect' song like in the last chapter. _

_'Ljubavni' is 'darling.' 'Volim te' is 'I love you.' They aren't the best translations, but I tried.__ Thank you guys for reviewing! Enjoy!_

**_Chapter Two: "At Last"_**

We lay in bed later that night, a comfortable silence drifting over us as weboth were lost in our thoughts. I let my fingers play in his hair, thinking about the direction our lives were taking. I giggled suddenly, Luka's kisses tickling my collar bone. He lifted his head from its position in the curve of my neck to give me that mischievous grin of his.

"What? I was just wondering if you taste as good as you smell." He gave me a long, not- so- innocent kiss. I raised an eyebrow at him, taking the opportunity to straddle him. I bent over to whisper in his ear.

"Is that how you like to play, Luka, dirty?" I said in a low, husky voice.

"You _know _how I like to play, _ljubavni_." He wiggled his eyes suggestively.

"_Every day's a new day in love with you  
With each day comes a new way of loving you  
Every time I kiss your lips my mind starts to wander  
And if all my dreams come true  
I'll be spending time with you"_

_xxxxxxx_

It was later- much, much later- when I woke up. The clock read a bleary 2:34am. Damn. I closed my eyes again, trying to relax in Luka's arms. He looks so sweet. His head is back in its spot on my neck, one arm thrown around my waist. '_He loves me.'_ I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes at that realization. It wasn't just the hormones, either.

This is what I've been so scared of, but wanted all my life. Thisis what I've dreamed of, but never thought would come true. Loving someone so completely and letting them love me back. When I pushed Luka out of my life, divorce still so fresh in my mind, I thought that it was over. This is my second chance, as much as it is his, to be happy and crazy in love.

I smiled as Luka mumbled something in Croatian. My gorgeous, brooding boyfriend who makes me laugh. I've never been so happy, never felt so at peace.

"_At last  
my love has come along  
my lonely days over  
and life is like a song  
At last  
the skies above are blue  
well my heart was wrapped up in clover  
the night I looked at you"_

I slipped out from his arms and walked over to the window, watching the city below. I loved this place, even with the freeze- your- ass- off winters and the boiling summers. I can't imagine ever leaving it the way others have. Carter, Elizabeth, Susan, just to name a few.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I closed my eyes and leaned back against him. It was in that moment that I knew I was ready to commit myself to this relationship. I want to spend the rest of my life with this amazing man. As if to confirm my decision, I felt the baby kick for the first time.

"Luka." I said, opening my eyes.

"Hmm?" I smiled, taking Luka's hand and placing it on my stomach.

"Shh. The baby just kicked right… here." I looked up at him, waiting. The baby kicked again and Luka's face was priceless. His expression was a mix of shock and awe before he broke out into a huge smile. I turned around and kissed him.

"I never get used to that feeling. It's amazing, Abby." He whispered, resting his forehead against mine.

"It makes this feel so real. We're having a baby, Luka. We're really doing it!" My grin matched his own, that is before a yawn escaped. Luka kissed my forehead. He chuckled, tapping me on my bum as he followed me over to the bed.

"Back to bed with you. We have work tomorrow." I rolled my eyes at him, but slipped under the sheets. I curled up on my side and Luka joined me, pulling me up against him. It didn't take me long to fall back asleep, but before I did, I heard what Luka whispered into my ear.

"Thank you, Abby; you've made me the happiest man in the world. _Volim te_." I just smiled and took his hand in mine,

"_Dream and let your dreams come  
It's your turn to fly  
As long as I'm standing by  
You can close your eyes_

_I will take care of you  
Long as you want me to  
Whatever else I do  
I will take care of you  
Don't you worry, while you sleep  
All my love is for you to keep  
And all you wish for, oh, you know  
May be yours if you let go, you can let go"_

_xxxxxxx_


	3. Hero

_The song lyrics used in this chapter are from "Hero" by Enrique Inglesias._

**_Chapter Three: Hero_**

It was a few weeks later and I was sitting with Abby on the floor of the living room. I was up against the couch with her in front of me, leaning back against my chest. Abby had the phone and we were trying to decide whether or not to find out the sex of the baby. I wanted to know, but was leaving the choice to Abby.

"I don't know, Luka. It would be nice to let it be a surprise, but I want to know how to decorate the baby room." She relaxed fully against me.

"It's up to you, Abby."

"Do you want to find out? Because if you do, we can." She craned her neck to look at me.

"I would like to find out, but I don't mind either way."

"Liar, don't give me that bullshit, Luka." She sighed. "I'm calling the clinic." I smiled. Hey, she made the decision. I just helped. I listened to her end of the conversation and waited to hear the verdict once she hung up.

"A girl. We're having a girl." Abby said, and I could hear the wonder in her voice. I was a bit shocked myself, but pleased.

"A baby girl. I was hoping for a girl; one that would look just like you." I rested my hands on Abby's stomach, leaving them there when she covered my hands with her own.

"Really? No, I want her to have your features. My nose is the only good thing my mother gave." I smiled, she sounded so sure.

"I have to disagree. You've got a lovely neck." I kissed her neck where it met her shoulder. "And ears." I rubbed my nose on the sensitive spot behind her ear. Abby squirmed a bit. She was ticklish. "And I would be perfectly happy if she had your lips." She turned her face towards mine, meeting me in a kiss.

"As long as she gets everything else from you." I kissed her jaw line, just below the ear.

"She will be beautiful just because she's yours." She rubbed my hands in response, suddenly silent. "Abby, you'll do fine with a girl. You are not your mother."

"I know, but it still scares me sometimes. I don't know if I ready for this." The fear in her voice was heartbreaking. I was almost undone when I felt a drop splatter on my arm. She had lived with her fears and insecurities for so long. Couldn't she see that that things were going to work out? Not sure what else to do, I simply held her and let her cry. I spoke gently to her in Croatian.

"_Ne placi. Sve ce bit dobro. Ne placi__, Abby."_

The tears eventually subsided and we sat there. After some time, she got up on her knees and turned around, taking my face in her small hands.

"I don't deserve you, Luka. You're too good to me." I shook my head.

"No, Abby, you deserve to be happy." I took her into my arms. "Let me love you and take care of you. You don't have to worry. I am not going anywhere. This is our reality, now." Abby pulled back to look at me. I could see in her eyes that she believed me. Her face softened.

"I know, it's just taking sometime to make it from my heart to my head." She paused, thinking. "Is that what you were saying, just now, in Croatian?" I ducked my head, blushing a little.

"No. I was saying, 'Don't cry, it will be okay.'" She thought about that for a moment.

"You know Luka, I want the baby to have a Croatian name. It's such a beautiful language." I stared at her, not sure what to say.

"Honestly?" She nodded, making my heart swell. I loved this woman so much.

"Just as long as it's pronounceable." She said, with a mischievous grin. I laughed and kissed her for that. She makes me so happy.

"_I can be your hero baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away"_

_xxxxxxx_


	4. Weep Willow For Me

_First verse is from "Fever" by Peggy Lee_

_Second verse is from "Willow Weep for Me" by Tin Hat Trio_

**_Chapter Four: Weep Willow for Me_**

"Luka, you were right." Abby said dejectedly, looking around. They stood in the middle of her apartment.

"Mhmm…" He was struggling to contain a smile.

"My apartment _is_ small." She was feeling incredibly frustrated. And tired, which just added to her irritability. Poor Luka, he was bearing the brunt of her anger. They were trying to move baby stuff into her place and it wasn't working. "We need a bigger place. I concede." Luka gave her his infamous grin. He had been trying to get her to move into a bigger place with him for the last month.

"Well, it's a good thing I've been looking then, isn't it?" Abby shot him a look.

"But I told you no, you…" Abby sighed and sat down in a nearby chair. She wasn't in the mood for an argument. "Fine. We don't have much of choice anyway. It was ridiculous for us, well for me, to think we could do this with separate apartments." Luka held out a piece of paper to Abby. He watched for her reaction.

"I knew I'd win you over. These are the places I found near the hospital. Some are houses, some apartments, but they all have at least three rooms. Beyond that, I really can't say." Abby looked them over, nodding at what he was saying.

"I can't believe you did all this without me." She looked up at him, lips pursed.

"You mad at me?" He gave her 'the look'. She rolled her eyes.

"I should be, but I'm not. It was going to have to happen sooner or later. You just saved me the stress of searching through the newspaper, anyway. I suppose I should thank you."

"You can thank me later," Luka said with a smile. "Right now we need to get to work."

"Ugh, I don't know if I'll survive a shift at County." Abby got up, refusing Luka's help. She wasn't that big… yet. She was nearing six months, not eight. Luka sighed, knowing how fiercely independent Abby was. He simply took her hand and they made their way to the car. He settled Abby in the car, pausing for a moment to look at her.

"What?" She asked.

"I _really_ wish we had more time." He winked and kissed her. In seconds, what was supposed to be a quick kiss intensified into something more. Any trace of frustration disappeared in an instant as Abby wrapped her arms around Luka's neck. Her tongue deepened the kiss, exploring his mouth. Luka responded, moving closer to her and taking a hold of her hips. If she had ever doubted how much he wanted her, Lukadidn'tthinkshe would now. Her pregnancy only enhanced her beauty and desirability. Abby opened her legs, trying to get as close to Luka as possible. Luka moved to her neck, sliding his handsdown along her thighs. God, he picked his moments to… her thoughts were lost as she gave in to justthe sensation of him.

"_Sun lights up the daytime, moon lights up the night  
I light up when you call my name, and you know I'm gonna treat you right  
You give me fever - when you kiss me, fever when you hold me tight"_

Luka pulled back reluctantly, halting their heated interaction.

"We're going to be late." He smiled, gently taking her face in his strong hands and sweetly kissing her.

Luka got behind the wheel, giving Abby one last kiss before starting the car. The ride to the hospital was quiet. Not awkward, just comfortable. They were almost therewhen Abby was hit by a strange feeling. She felt faint and knew she should mention something to Luka. She decided against it, not wanting to worry him as he was prone to. They arrived at the hospital where Luka helped her out. Hecould see something was not quite right as shestepped out of the car. Abby knew she was in trouble when the ground started spinning. Panic shot through Luka as Abby started to sway and he moved quickly to catch her when she crumbled. Luka scooped Abby into his arms, rushing through the emergency room doors.

"Neela! Ray!" They ran over from the admit desk, Haleh and Chuny following.

"What happened, Dr. Kovac?" Neela asked, worry etched on her face.

"She fainted just outside." They entered Trauma 1, immediately getting to work. Luka laid Abby on the gurney.

"BP's 120/ 80. Pulse high at 90." Chuny reported.

"Resps are normal. Pupils equal and reactive. She's looking kinda pasty." Ray chimed in.

"Ok, I want an ultrasound, Chem 7, CBC, Blood gas, and a crit. For now she's stable, but we need to know what's wrong in case that changes. Alright people, let's move." Neela took over.

Luka knew he was I no shape to help. He stepped back, watching his colleagues work. His eyes never left Abby's face. A lone tear made its way down Luka's cheek. Hebrushed it away. He couldn't lose her. He couldn't lose another family. Kerry walked in and made her way to Luka.

"She's going to be fine, Luka. Why don't you wait in the family room while we work on her." She walked him to the room. He sat down in one of the hard, plastic chairs, in shock of how quickly things could change. Kerry laid a comforting hand on his arm and, with a sad smile, she left him on his own. Luka put his head in his hands and cried.

"_Gone my lover's dream  
Lovely summer's dream  
Gone and left me here  
To weep my tears into the stream"_

_xxxxxxx_

A/N: I promise, baby names next chapter. Sorry to leave you on a cliffie! Won't be too long until the next chapter.


	5. Hanging by a Moment

_Thanks to everyone for the reviews. Thanks especially to Eva and Hanah. Eva, all your wonderful suggestions and help were priceless. Hanah, thank you for the names.. I was dying to use them, but had already found the name I wanted. They are still beautiful names._

_First verse is from "Hanging by a Moment" by Lifehouse_

_Second verse is from "In Other Words" by Ben Kweller_

_Last verse is from "Silver Lining" by Amanda Ghost_

_**Chapter Five: Hanging by a Moment**_

Abby opened her eyes. It took effort just to turn her head. She felt so drained. And exhausted, incredibly exhausted. Her heart melted when she spotted Luka. He was sleeping with his head near her hand, his tall frame folded into a tiny chair. No, not sleeping. He was praying. He jumped when she touched him.

"Abby."

"Hey." She closed her eyes again, desperately trying to fight sleep. Luka rubbed her arm.

"I need you to take these, Abby." He held up a cup. "Then you can sleep again." She nodded her head, opening her eyes once more. Luka helped her get the pills down. Then the exhaustion won as she drifted back to sleep.

Abby woke a second time, feeling much better. Luka was holding her hand, whispering in Croatian. He was praying again.

"_I'm falling even more in love with you  
Letting go of all I've held onto  
I'm standing here until you make me move  
I'm hanging by a moment here with you"_

"Luka" She said softly. He looked up, relief evident on his face. Luka stood up quickly, prayers forgotten.

"You're awake." He kissed her hand. Abby found his relief odd. It only made sense when she realized she was in a hospital bed; a fact she had failed to realize before.

"Luka, what happened?" His eyes softened and he lifted a hand to stroke her cheek.

"You passed out in the ambulance bay." She touched a hand to her stomach.

"The baby-"

"She's fine." He covered her hand with his. "You were severely anemic and dehydrated, but you both are okay now. Gave us all quite a scare. Kerry and the staff wanted to keep you down here where they can keep an eye on you. You were supposed to be transferred up to OB." They both smiled at that.

"How long have I been out of it?" Luka shrugged.

"Not long. Maybe three or four hours. I think most of it was sheer exhaustion. You've been working pretty hard; we've never realized what a toll it was taking on you." Abby made an effort to sit up, for once allowing Luka to help her. She patted the bed next to her and Luka sat down, pulling Abby into his arms.

"Mind your IV. Neela and I agree that you should be put on bed rest for a few days. No arguments, doctor's orders. I'm sure between the two of us we can get you on a better diet, in addition to your prenatal vitamins and iron supplements. Once you get back, Kerry wants you to take it easy."

"_In his eyes I see the fear  
That only time could disappear  
If only time could reappear  
Now's the time"_

"I'm sorry, Luka." Abby reached up to touch his face.

"You shouldn't be. This wasn't your fault. Anemia is common during the second trimester."

"I know. You must've been out of your mind with worry. You've already been through so much, you don't need this."

"It doesn't matter anymore." He whispered into her hair. "You're fine. Besides, this just means I get my choice for the baby's name." Abby laughed, turning to look at him.

"Oh it does, huh? Well, as long as I get the final word on the new house." Luka raised her eyebrows.

"Sounds like a deal. How does Vesna Aaralyn sound?" He winked at her.

"Vesna? I thought we liked Ana?" Luka gave Abby a look. "Vesna Aaralyn Kovac." She thought about it a moment. "What does it mean. Vesna?"

"Goddess of Spring. I know she's a summer baby, but…" He trailed off, waiting for Abby to speak.

"It's a beautiful name, Luka." Abby said softly. She kissed his cheek.

"Oh, Abby, you're awake." Neela said as she walked in. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, thanks to you." Neela smiled.

"Splendid. There isn't really much of a reason to keep you here. Dr. Coburn is coming down, she wanted to see you before you left." Neela looked at Luka. "When she's done, you can take her home, Dr. Kovac. Oh, and Dr. Weaver has given you both the next few days off." Abby and Luka looked at each other, surprised.

"Really?" Luka asked.

"I believe her exact words were, 'With Abby on bed rest, Dr. Kovac will be useless. Might as well give them both some time off.'" The three of them laughed. It was true, out of character for Weaver, but Luka would only worry at work.

"Well, some of us have more patients to see. Enjoy your vacation." She looked down at the charts in her arms. When she looked up again, a sad smile marred her beautiful face. "Know you'll be envied." She walked towards the door, turning around at the last moment." I'm glad everything has worked out. You two deserve to be happy." And with that, Neela left.

"_Scared of the things that people say  
Knowing my confidence might fade  
I feel the world's weight, upon my breaking back  
I see uncertainty, and the visible crack _

Silver Lining, I bathe in your light  
I'll always believe in, your place in my life.  
Silver, Lining, I know that I'm right  
I'll always believe in, your right to shine."

_(The song is for Neela and Gallant, in case you were wondering.)_

"It's really sad about Michael. They were so happy in November, and then he just… left."

"War changes people, Abby. It changed me, it's changed Gallant. I'm sure they'll get through it. They are both strong people." He tightened his hold on her.

"I just hope he comes back alive this time. It's crazy over there, things change in seconds." Just then, Coburn walked in. Luka moved out of the way, to give Janet room to work.

"Hey Abby, Luka. Let's see how Mom's doing today." Coburn did a quick examination, talking all the while to an amused Luka and Abby.

"Well, the dehydration has been sorted out. That leaves the anemia; but I don't need to tell you what to do. Plenty of folic acid, take your prenatal pills, you know the drill. And, since you both have the next few days off," She turned to look at Luka. "I want you to make sure she takes care of herself and watch her fluid intake." Luka nodded.

"Of course. We'll be more careful, pay better attention." He said.

"Okay, you're all set." She signed off on the chart, looking up again with a smile. "Take care of yourself and I believe I'll see you in… a month."

"Sure thing." Abby confirmed. "Thanks, Janet."

"No problem. Now get out of here, you two." Once Coburn left, Luka walked over to Abby, taking her in his arms again.

"Can we go home now?" She said into his chest. "I want a real bed." Luka laughed.

"Yes, let's go home."


	6. It's Now or Never

_The first verse is from "Reasons" by Earth, Wind, and Fire_

_Second verse is from "It's Now or Never" by Elvis Presley_

_**Chapter Six: It's Now or Never**_

I'd been awake for a while, thinking of nothing in particular. Luka's arm was slung over me, tucking me securely against him. I will never get tired of waking up with him next to me. It was out last day off and I was beginning to feel more like myself. It would take a little more time for my blood counts to return to normal, but I was getting there. I turned in Luka's arms to face him, watching him sleep. Without thinking I kissed his chin, the hair there tickling my lips. I stifled a giggle and Luka shifted in his sleep.

"Luka." I called softly. He groaned, mumbling in Croatian. I smiled, tracing a random pattern on his chest. He cracked an eye open and sighed.

"Abby, go back to sleep." He closed his eyes again and tightened his hold on me. I really did try to fall asleep. I lay my head on his chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. It wasn't working. I slipped out of bed and headed to the shower. The water felt wonderful on my skin. I stuck my head under the tap, nearly jumping out of my skin when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around my waist. Luka. I turned around and smiled up at him, giving him a quick kiss.

"I thought you were asleep." He nuzzled my neck.

"I was, but I missed you so I thought I'd join you." He looked at me and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. I laughed, kissing him again. Luka backed me up against the wall of the shower, taking my face in his hands. I gasped a little into his mouth, the tile cool against my skin. I busied myself with his hair. Luka deepened the kiss, his strong hands gently grabbing a hold of my growing waist. I melted into Luka as his lips traced a path down my neck. My hands slowly fell from his soft hair, lightly resting on his shoulders. There's a reason I love showers. This time there were no distractions, no interruptions, and (most importantly) no work. It was just us and a _very_ long shower.

"_Now, I'm craving your body,  
Is this real  
Temperatures rising, I don't want to feel  
I'm in the wrong place to be real  
Woahh and I'm; longing to love you  
Just for a night,  
Kissing and hugging and holding you tight  
Please let me love you  
With all my might"_

Once we were done in the shower, Luka got out the 'special lotion.' I'm in love with the stuff and the guy who rubs it on me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him as he finished up.

"You're so good to me, Luka." He winked at me.

"I do try."

xxxxxxxx

Things were returning to normal as Abby regained her strength. I'm a bit worried about her returning to work tomorrow but she's getting stir-crazy in the apartment. And driving _me_ up the wall.

One of the few things we've managed to accomplish is finding a house. We've been out to a few places, but Abby fell in love with the last house. It's ten minutes from the hospital. It has three bedrooms with plenty of space. There's only one floor, which I was insistent on- that and a backyard. It's perfect for us. The amazing thing is that we'll be in within a few weeks.

I look at Abby now and am so glad that we're doing this. I'm so glad just to have her again. I can't bear to think that I nearly lost her. I still can't believe I let things get so bad. I feel responsible- I mean we're doctors, we should know better. It doesn't matter that it's a common problem- especially among pregnant women.

Sitting next to her bed in the ER felt as though I was losing another family and all I could do was watch and pray. It's a heartbreak I won't survive this time. It's the reason why I'm being a little overprotective now. I know she finds it annoying. We really are perfect as a couple: we drive each other crazy. Which is exactly why I'm taking her out for breakfast.

"Abby, where do you feel like going for breakfast?" I said suddenly, once we were, finally, dressed. She looked me quizzically.

"Really?I caneat whatever I want?" I rolled my eyes at her. I wasn't _that_ bad.

"Yes." I said, pulling her closer. She looked up at me.

"Nookies. It's right on the lake, remember?" I nodded my head, it does have a great view.

"Nookies it is." I kissed her. "Let's go."

We were at the restaurant and I was sitting there watching her, in awe. I have never seen someone so small eat so much. Abby's order was larger than mine! Then again, a lot of Abby's 'symptoms' are the same ones Danijela had. This pregnancy thing is a bit like riding a bike. You may be out of practice but you still remember how to do it. I chuckled at the thought and Abby looked at me.

"What?" She asked, her mouth half- full.

"You. I don't think I've ever seen you eat so much." Her face fell and she dropped her fork onto the plate. Damn. So I'm a bit rusty.

"What!" Abby said.

"I didn't mean it like that, Abby. It's a good thing." I felt like smacking myself when I saw the tears in her eyes. She bent her head, dabbing at them with a napkin. Shit. Hormones or not I was in for it. "Abby. Come on." I sighed and stood up. Throwing money down onto the table, I took Abby's hand and pulled her up. I held her once we were outside.

"I'm sorry. I should watch what I say." I kissed the top of her head.

"It's not your fault. I just need to learn not to be so sensitive." She looked up and everything was okay again. My heart skipped a beat when she smiled at me. God, I love her. I kissed her cheek and she took my hand. It was at the spot where Abby first told me she wanted this baby that we sat, talking. It was better this time. Everything was more settled, more grounded. All fears had been banished and we were free to dream…

"_When I first saw you  
with your smile so tender  
My heart was captured,  
my soul surrendered _

I'd spend a lifetime  
waiting for the right time  
Now that your near  
the time is here at last."


	7. Trying

_First verse from "Trying" by Lifehouse_

_Second Verse from "Shoot the Moon" by Norah Jones_

**_Chapter Seven: Trying_**

I walked through the emergency room doors for what feels like the thousandth time. Never mind that I've been gone for nearly a year. It's nice to be back. I feel useless in Africa sometimes, causing more harm then good.

I paused, taking in all the new faces, remembering the old ones. They were all gone, some for good. Carol and Doug had long since left, happy with Kate and Tess in Seattle. Lucy's dead, Mark too. Elizabeth is gone, that was my fault. Chen I haven't seen for the longest time. Then again, we haven't been friends for a while; she changed on me and here I am, still the same. A little more broken and a little more humble, but essentially the same. At least Susan and Abby are still here. I strolled over to the desk, acting as though I still belonged, still had a place at County.

Abby had her back to me, talking on the phone. She was arguing with someone; I feel sorry for them. I tapped her on the shoulder. Abby waved a hand at me, not turning around.

"No, I am not going to wait another day. Listen, I have a patient that needs a bed in ICU today." There was a pause. "No… no. Don't put me on- damn it!" She turned, speaking as she did. "What the hell-" She gaped at me and I stared at her, both shocked.

"Carter! You're back!"

"And you're… pregnant!" I answered her unspoken question, a bit distracted. "I'm in town for some business, the Carter Foundation."

"Really? Well, as you can see," Abby rested a hand on her stomach. "A lot has happened since you left. I can't leave right now but why don't we catch up over coffee later? I've got a break in an hour." Abby said.

"Meet you across the street at 2 then." She smiled and walked off. I looked around, hands in my pockets. So, now what? It didn't take me long to find out that Susan was gone now, too.

It was about forty- five minutes later when I made my way across to Ike's. There was still a bite to the air. It should be warming up soon, it was April after all. I sat at a table, holding off on ordering until Abby arrived.

I can't believe Abby's pregnant. She never wanted kids, didn't want to give them her mother's disease. I found it all very ironic. All I want is for my son to be alive, and I can't have that- I will never have him again. Yet Abby, who never wanted to be a mother, is having a baby.

It was hard not to be bitter as I thought of how happy she looked. Beautiful too. She really seemed to want this.

Her world was finally coming together just as mine was beginning to fall apart. The guy, and I had the feeling it was Luka, was damn lucky to have her. Not that I wanted her. I nearly laughed out loud as I thought of how I nearly married Abby. If she was unhappy with Luka, she was miserable with me. We were great friends, but terrible lovers. We drove each other crazy; I was always trying to fix her, she was always accusing me of not accepting her for who she was.

I jumped at the chance to join Luka in the Congo. Africa was my chance to get away from it all and gain a sense of perspective. Luka and I, once enemies, became friends. All too soon, it was time to head back to Chicago, back to my shitty life and my shitty job. Abby and I picked up right where we left off, tearing each other apart. And then, Luka was dead. I found myself back on a plane. I've saved countless lives as a doctor, but it's something else to save a friend's. That moment at the airport sending Luka back home cemented our friendship. I sort of found myself there. For a while, my life actually _meant_ something.

Then there was the whirlwind that was Kem. I know I must've hurt Abby; first with that ridiculous letter and again when I brought back a pregnant Kem. I mentally winced. I wonder if she would feel better knowing that my marriage was on the rocks, and that I envy her all she has. She's found what I've been looking for my entire life. Love. A family. True happiness.

It all slipped through my fingers when our baby died. Oh sure, we rediscovered the love we had in Paris, but that shriveled up as well. There was just too much to get past. All our energy was spent trying to regain all we had lost.

"_When we all want to seem like we've got it all figured out  
I may be the first to say that I don't have a clue  
I don't have all the answers  
And god I pretend like I do just  
Trying to find my way  
Trying to find my way the best that I know how"_

_xxxxxxxx_

Abby sat down, bringing Carter out of his thoughts.

"Hey." His brown eyes showed pain, briefly, as he looked over at her. She bit her lip, remembering how he and Kem had lost their baby. _'And here I am, six months pregnant.' _Abby, for once, felt like she had it together. Carter could no longer say she didn't know what she wanted from life. She was living her dream, and he looked like he was drowning in his. Her feeling of superiority was immediately squashed by one of guilt. _'He doesn't deserve this, even after all the shit he put me through. Carter should be happy- especially because life's put him through just as much shit.'_

"Hey. I didn't order drinks yet. Wasn't sure what you wanted." Carter raised a hand, trying to catch the waitress's attention. She came over.

"Can I get you two something?" She asked, pen and paper ready. Carter looked to Abby.

"I'll have a hot chocolate." Abby said.

"And I'll just have a coffee. Thanks."

"Alright, it'll be out in a few minutes." The waitress said, and then she walked off towards another customer.

"How have you been, Carter?" Abby asked.

"I've been better. I came in from Darfur. It's a mess in the Sudan, Abby. Part of the reason I came over was to see if I could convince Luka to come back with me. We need experienced doctors out there and he's one of the best." Abby's smile faltered a little and Carter knew he had her.

"Oh? Well, he's Chief of Emergency Medicine now. He can't just… leave."

"Really? Luka's chief? He's a good guy, he deserves it."

"Yes, he does." Abby said softly.

"You two are together again, aren't you?" Carter said. Abby blushed.

"Since October." Carter did some quick mental math and then chuckled.

"That was fast. You're what, 24 weeks?"

"27, actually." She laughed. "My life is crazy right now, but I love it."

"If anyone should be happy, it's you. Anyway, I already talked to Luka, a few weeks ago. He told me no, said something about how he wasn't coming out anytime soon. I was puzzled then, but I understand now. He doesn't want to leave _you_." Abby's look of annoyance softened at the last sentence.

"If you knew that, why did you mention it?"

"To see your reaction. Luka and I do talk some." He said, laughing.

"Carter! That's not funny." She swatted his arm. He stopped laughing. "Thank you. So, other than Darfur, how are things?" Abby asked.

"Well… Kem and I are married now." She didn't look surprised, but she did smile.

"Congratulations." He could see that she meant it.

"Thanks."

"How's married life?" Abby watched as Carter rubbed the back of his neck, a sign he was uncomfortable.

"A lot harder than I thought it would be. Losing Joshua was a hard blow to both of us."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be." He shrugged. "How's Maggie doing?" Abby let him change the subject. They were both familiar with pain and sometimes it hurt too much to talk about it.

"She's doing well, on her meds. I told her about the baby and she's ecstatic."

"Driving you crazy?"

"Of course." They continued to talking about various things.

"Carter!" Carter stood up to greet Luka, offering a hand.

"Hey, Luka!" Carter was pulled into a hug, Luka nearly squeezing the life out of him.

"You mentioned coming in, but I didn't think you'd be here so soon. How was the flight?" Luka asked, sitting next to Abby.

"Don't even ask. International traveling is the pits."

"It's even worse when you're over six feet tall." The two men laughed at that. Abby suddenly became a spectator in the conversation, but somehow she didn't mind. "How's Kem doing? Still in Paris?" Luka asked, stealing Abby's cup. That earned him a glare. He just smiled and took a sip, returning it with a kiss.

"No, she's back in Kisangani. The Darfur stint has lasted longer that I expected. I'm trying to talk her into coming out with me next time."

"Good luck with that one." Abby was amazed, listening to the two talk. She had no idea how close they had become.

"Thanks. I'm going to need it. I was really hoping to talk you into coming back with me. You didn't give much of a reason on the phone. I can't believe you kept all this a secret!" Luka laughed.

"It's more fun that way." Carter shook his head. "You're in Chicago for a week, right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well, Abby and I just moved into a house together. A bunch of the staff are coming over for a house heating party." Abby rolled her eyes and correcting him.

"Housewarming." He looked at Abby, ignoring her correction but seeking her approval. She nodded.

"We were hoping you would come." Luka finished.

"I'd love to. When is it?" Carter asked.

"Tuesday, 5 o' clock." Abby said just as her pager went off, followed shortly by Luka's. Luka stood and then helped Abby up.

"Let me give you the address." Abby took a pen from Luka's shirt pocket. She bent over on the table to write it down. Carter caught Luka _appreciating_ the view and the two men shared a grin. Abby was completely oblivious as she stood up and handed Carter the piece of paper. Carter gave Abby a hug and then shook Luka's hand. He sat down at the table again and watched them cross the street. What he wouldn't give to have what they did. It was torture watching them, they were truly in love. However, they were his friends and he wished them the best.

"_The summer days are gone too soon  
You shoot the moon  
And miss completely  
And now you're left to face the gloom  
The empty room that once smelled sweetly  
Of all the flowers you plucked if only  
You knew the reason  
Why you had to each be lonely  
Was it just the season? _

Now the fall is here again  
You can't begin to give in  
It's all over"


	8. The Saddest Song

_Lyrics from "The Saddest Song I Got" by Annie Lennox_

_**Chapter Eight: The Saddest Song**_

Luka looked around the crowded room. Everyone was at their house for the party. The nurses were holding Abby hostage, talking to her about God knows what. They still considered her one of them, even though she was a doctor now. He noticed how Sam has warmed up to the idea of him and Abby. Ray and Neela were talking quietly in one part of the room. He thought it odd, but was more focused on finding someone else. An hour into the party and still no sign of Carter. He tried not to be disappointed, but it was hard.

Abby was furious. She could feel Luka giving her that worried look of his as they cleaned up after the party. Carter missed it. There was no call, no apology. Not a damn word. She could tell Luka was a little hurt by Carter's absence. He was supposed to be a friend. She needed him to come, she needed to know that he was okay with this. She wasn't looking for his approval- hell no. It went deeper than that; something Abby didn't quite understand herself. Abby looked around. The house was clean and all the guests were gone. Finally. She snatched the keys from the counter.

"Luka, I'm heading out." Abby said, walking out the door.

"Ab-" She slammed the door and opened the car. Luka sighed and watched her drive off.

xxxxxxxx

Carter leaned against the window, head resting on his forearm. It was raining in Chicago. He was amazed at how different it was from Darfur. He didn't go, couldn't bring himself to go. _'God, I'm sucha coward. What am I so scared of?' _He ignored thought. He wasn't scared of anything. He was John Truman Carter III. He'd survived medical school, medical students, residency, being chief of the ER. He'd worked through a stabbing, the deaths of colleagues, friends, and family. He'd been to Africa and seen all there was to see and still made it back alive. He wasn't scared of much- nothing else. It was love that scared him. It was something he couldn't force, couldn't bear, and couldn't buy his way out of or into.

"_Darling are you feeling  
The same thing that I'm seeing  
The troubles of the day  
Took my breath away  
Took my breath away"_

From where he stood, he saw a car pulled in. Dread filled him as Abby stepped out. Shit. He opened the door and she stormed in.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Carter? Did you just wake up this morning thinking, 'How can I disappointeveryone today?' How hard is it to show up?" He turned to face her.

"I'm not getting into this with you, Abby. I don't have to explain a damn thing to you."

"God forbid you should _actually_ take responsibility for anything you do. No, you like to hide in the fucking jungle halfway around the world!" It was as though her words let loose a whole flood of anger and resentment. He couldn't keep it in any longer.

"Like you're so perfect. You never even wanted kids! Now look at you. Is this what you want Abby?"

"You bastard. That was low, even for you. It was my decision. I wanted to have this baby with Luka. Why? Because I love him. I love him, Carter. Get that through you thick skull."

"You, in love? No, you're far too selfish for that. You aren't capable of love."

"You're one to talk, Carter. How are things with Kem, again? Not too swell, huh." There was a certain satisfaction for Abby to see the pain in his eyes.

"At least I had the guts to marry her. You're scared shitless at the thought of committing yourself to a relationship." He sneered at her.

"What the hell is this then?" She asked, placing a hand on her stomach.

"Any two people can fuck and make a baby. You don't need a relationship for that."

"You proved that, didn't you? You are so childish, Carter. I'm surprised your stupidity hasn't already gotten you killed over there."

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? To never have to deal with me again. Just remember, I'm the reason Luka is even alive. In a sense, you owe me everything you have now." He was right. She looked at him closer.

"That's what this is about. You can't stand that I am doing something with my life." She walked over to stand in front of him. "Get over yourself, Carter." Her words knocked the fight out of him. He turned away from her, standing by the window again.

"I want to be happy for you and Luka. I really do." Carter's voice was soft, broken. "If there's anyone who should be, it's the two of you." Abby's anger dissipated in an instant. He turned around to face her again, his eyes hopeless.

"Carter-" She stopped when he held up a hand.

"I'm tired, Abby. Tired of fighting life for what I want." He sighed. "You know the way out." He laid a soft kiss on her cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispered into her ear before walking away. Abby debated on whether or not to follow him.

She found him in a large room she's been in only once before. He was crying. Abby took him into her arms, her belly creating a gap between them. They stood there for a while, allowing the shared wounds that at one time had connected them to heal. They finally got the closure they needed from each other, from that chapter in their lives.

"_Darling are you healing  
From all the scars appearing  
Don't it hurt a lot  
Don't know how to stop  
Now there's no sense in seeing  
The colors of the morning  
Hold the clouds at bay  
Chase them all away  
Chase them all away  
And I'm frozen still  
Unspoken still  
Heartbroken  
Cos this is the saddest song I've got  
The saddest song I've got"_

When Abby arrived home later, she said not a word to Luka. Instead she went straight to bed, physically and emotionally drained.


	9. My Life Story

_This is really short, I know. It's a tiny Luby scene needed to discuss the Carter/ Abby scene. Hope you like it!_

_Song from "My Life Story" by Angie Stone_

_**Chapter Nine: My Life Story**_

The sound of a TV woke me up. I padded out to the living room where Abby sat up at 3 a.m. staring at the screen. One look at her face, and I realized she was somewhere else. I sat down, startling her.

"_Sittin' here wondering, pondering  
Every little thing  
And I'm lookin' back, lookin' at  
All the time I been searching"_

"Hey." Abby said softly.

"Hey. What are you doing up?" I asked, my voice a little husky from sleeping. I lifted my arm, offering to let her snuggle up to me.

"I woke up and had trouble falling asleep again." She said, taking the invitation and curling up against my side. I waited for her to speak, something was on her mind. "I went to see Carter today, after the party." Somehow, I wasn't terribly surprised or upset. The lack of those feelings was the shock she must've heard in my voice.

"Oh? What happened?"

"We fought, said some pretty nasty things." I kissed her hair. Now was not the time for me to speak. "He told me I wasn't capable of love; that I can't commit."

My jaw clenched at Carter's guts. I nearly lost it when I felt her hot tears on my chest. She was still the same Abby, stubborn and opinionated, but her pregnancy made her a lot more emotional and a lot more vulnerable. I wanted to hit Carter so much, my hand actually ached. I rubbed her back, encouraging her to go on.

"I had my fair share of things to say. I brought up Kem." She sat up, meeting my eye. "He's hurting, Luka. I've never seen him so miserable. It's like he has nothing left, no hope. He's watching his life crumble before his eyes." Damn the man for being so hard to stay mad at. He's had a rough time of it. Still.

"Well look at all he's been through. I was there once. You just want to die. He'll make it through this. He's strong; has a lot of spirit yet." She looked down at her hands, biting her lower lip. I had a hard time focusing on her words. She was so cute.

"It's just I've never seen him this way before. He cried, Luka. Carter_ cried_." She shook her head. "It was good for both of us, though, the whole fight. There was a lot we needed to say and get out in the open. We've carried around a lot of baggage, a lot of scars that we inflicted on each other. It gave us a chance to bury the hatchet, so to speak." I nodded, not really understanding the last part, but getting the 'gist' of it.

"I'm glad." I took her chin, forcing her to look at me. "You're okay now, right?" She nodded. "It's fine to help each other to heal, but I don't want you taking on his burdens too." I saw that she was hearing me and released her chin. "That's enough to break any man." I said, jokingly. She swatted my arm. She was smiling though.

"Hey! So my family's crazy. And I wouldn't talk if I were you; you have your own personal entourage of ghosts." She covered her mouth as soon as she said it. "Oh God, Luka. I'm sorry." I took her hands from her mouth, meeting her gaze.

"It's okay, Abby. I've long since dealt with them. They don't hang on me anymore." I took her into my arms.

"Luka…" She sat back, searching my face.

"Trust me. My family will always remain in my memories, but that's the only place they live. They are my past and that's where they belong, not here." I placed a hand on her stomach. "You and this baby are my present and my future. That's that." I kissed her. "I love you." What can I say? I have a flare for the romantic.

"_No one knows what tomorrow holds  
Or if it ever comes  
So I'm gonna take my chances, baby  
You're the only one,_

I ain't scared to tell you  
That I'm ready for you  
Open the door  
More to life than livin'  
I want you to come into my heart"


	10. Losing Hope

_Reela interlude. I love them as a couple! There's a scene in here that gets a tiny bit more graphic than some of my Luby scenes. Just a warning._

_First two sets of lyrics from "Losing Hope" by Jack Johnson_

_Second and fourth verses from "Time of Your Life" by Green Day_

_Third verse from "No Rain" by Blind Melon _

_**Chapter Ten: Losing Hope**_

"Time of death: 19:21. Damn." I pulled off my gloves and walked out of the trauma room. To say I was having a bad day was a bloody understatement. Beastly was more like it. Four of my patients died today and things with Ray were awkward at best. At least the Gallants left this morning, bickering their way out the door. I was off and soon made my way to a bar, utterly depressed.

In the wake of the Gallants' departure, I was left very uncertain. There was a time when I loved Michael enough to spend the rest of my life with him. Now, I'm not so sure. I followed my emotions when he asked me to marry him, but I'm afraid those feeling were just that- feelings. I don't even know him anymore; Iraq has changed him into a man I no longer recognize. Not that I really knew him to begin with.

A bloody beer wasn't going to do it tonight. I ordered a vodka and tonic. If there was a hope of actually seeing Abby at her apartment, I would've headed there instead. She's pretty much living at Luka's. God, I need someone to talk to. I downed my drink.

Then there was Ray. The look in his eyes the night I moved out broke my heart. I didn't move out because of how Ray feels, but because I'm petrified of what I might do with what _I_ feel. I'm falling for him. It snuck up on me. He was aggravating at first and then tolerable. At some point we became friends, real 'roomies'.

It was the night I came in from the military spouse meeting that I realized we had crossed a dangerous line. I sat for a while in my room, before he came home that night, his shirt in my hands. I barely held back the tears as I gave it back to him. Moving out didn't help a bit. I thought about him all the time, dreamed about him when I slept. Those dreams were far from innocent. Then I see him at work, and Michael is the farthest thing from my mind. I'm a married woman- but I can't stop thinking about another man.

"_Losing hope is easy  
When your only friend is gone  
And every time you look around  
Well, it all, it all just seems to change"  
_

"I'll have another." I stayed there for a while, sipping at my drink. Before I knew it, the time read 1:00am. Shit. I looked around at all the creeps here and realized I didn't want to walk home alone. Two drinks wasn't much, but it was enough. I called the only person I could think of. Ray.

"Hello?"

"Ray, it's Neela."

"I know your voice, Neela." He says it so softly, I barely hear him.

"Oh." I hear glass hit the floor behind me as voice laughs.

"Neela, where are you?" The concern in his voice is touching.

"Umm…" I look around. "I'm at some bar near the hospital. O'Malley's, I think."

"Do you want me to come get you?" I breathed a sigh of relief. I didn't have to ask.

"Oh, would you?"

"No prob. I'm on my way." We hung up.

"_But hanging on is easy  
When you've got a friend to call  
When nothings making sense at all  
You're not the only one that's afraid of change"_

I'm tired, just sitting at a stool, staring at my empty glass. I didn't even notice Ray arrive; I was so preoccupied with the bloomin' glass. He touched my arm.

"I thought hanging out at bars was my job." I looked up at him, shaking my head.

"Nope, it's my turn tonight." I said. We shared a smile. "Thanks for coming, Ray. I really appreciate it."

"What are friends for?" I mentally winced at his particular choice of words. I hurt him, the last thing I wanted to do. "Let's get you home." He helped me up. We were doing fine until I tripped over the door jam. He wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me. What Ray didn't count on was the effect it had on both of us. Our eyes met- yes, crossing that bloody line. We didn't say much on the El to my house. There was so much we could say, but didn't dare. It was easier to say nothing at all. When we eventually reached Abby's place, Ray got out my keys and opened the door. I walked in, turning around when he didn't follow.

"Aren't you coming in?" He looked uncertain.

"I don't think I should, Neela."

"I don't have the plague. I promise." He sighed, hand on the doorknob.

"It's not that. You're drunk and I'm afraid I might take advantage of you."

"I'm not drunk, I had two drinks. And you never had a problem with taking advantage of girls before." I said, getting a little pissed.

"You're different, Neela. You aren't other girls." He began to close the door.

"Ray!" He looked back. "Stay with me, please. I don't want to be alone." I surprised myself with that. Without permission, tears streamed down my cheeks. In a split second, he was holding me. I cried into his shoulder, all the frustration of the day pouring out. Once my sobs quieted down, I just enjoyed the feeling of his arms around me. Things with Michael had never felt so… right.

"I'm sorry, Ray." I whispered. I looked up and for the second time tonight, green met brown. He understood.

"It's okay. You did what you had to do." Without thinking, I reached up and my lips touched his.

"_Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road.  
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to do.  
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why.  
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time."_

In that single kiss I could feel his surprise, and then his longing. He kissed me deeply. It was when I began to unbutton his shirt that he took my hands and pulled back.

"I can't do this to you. I mean, you're married, Neela." Before he could walk away, I tugged at his sleeve.

xxxxxxxx

One look at her beautiful, exotic eyes and I melted. "Neela, we can't." I whispered. I held her, resting my chin atop her head.

"I don't care anymore. Fuck the rules and propriety." She looked at me. "I'm tired of doing what I should, instead of what I want. I want this, Ray. I want you."

"_Now, I'm craving your body,  
Is this real  
Temperatures rising, I don't want to feel  
I'm in the wrong place to be real_

_And I'm longing to love you  
Just for a night,  
Kissing and hugging and holding you tight  
Please let me love you  
With all my might _

Reasons, the reasons that we hear,  
The reasons that we fear…"

I couldn't deny her anything in the world right now. All the reasons we shouldn't flew out the window. I kissed her this time, ignoring my head and listening to my heart. Any hurt from her leaving me evaporated. She frantically undid my buttons as I explored her mouth with my tongue. Her blouse joined my shirt on the floor. My mouth traveled to her neck, her bare chest against mine. We were in our own little world. She unbuckled my belt and unzipped my pants with her lips on my ear. I pulled at her clips, setting her hair loose to fall around her face. I ran my fingers through the soft masses of it, lips on her supple mouth once more. We fell onto the couch, stripped completely. I ran a hand up here thigh, her skin like silk under my fingers. The whisper of my name on her lips was more heaven then I'd ever known.

As I held her in my arms when we were done, I knew I really loved her with all of my heart and my soul. We complemented each other. Absolute opposites maybe; but that made us all the more perfect for each other. I want to be a better person for her. She can relax around me. Some may call our night together a 'moment of weakness', but it was the most beautiful experience of my life.

"_It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right.  
I hope you had the time of your life."_


	11. The Promise

_I kinda, borrowed this idea from 'Four Corners' from Season 8 of ER, but hey- it's a fanfic, I'm allowed. I'm going to admit that this is a bit of a filler chapter. It's really setting the scene for the next chapter. There are a couple key scenes in here. I hope you enjoy! And thanks to all my wonderful reviewers! _

_First verse is from "The Promise" by Tracie Chapman_

_Second verse from "Crawling in the Dark" by Hoobastank_

_Third verse from "Here With Me" by Dido_

_Fourth verse from "Queen of Hearts" by Gregg Allman_

_**Chapter Eleven: The Promise**_

Abby woke up alone. It was crazy how much she missed Luka when he worked the night shift. It didn't happen very often anymore- thank God. It was close to eight o' clock, he would be home soon. As if on queue, Abby heard the door open. She smiled as Luka walked quietly into the room.

"Good morning." He said, leaning over to kiss her. He was hoping to walk in to her sleeping. He loved watching her sleep. "And hello to you too." He rubbed Abby's stomach.

"Morning. How was your shift? Slow?"

"I wish. There were five GSW's, three multiple victim MVA's, and just a bunch of weirdoes with all kinds of problems." He collapsed onto the bed beside her, pulling her to him. "I missed you." He said, nuzzling her neck.

"Me too." She sighed. "I've got work in an hour." She paused. "This sucks, you know. You're the boss; can't you keep us on the same shifts?"

"It only happens every once in while. It can't be helped, _ljubavni. _I'm sorry." Luka kissed her hair.

"I know it isn't your fault. It still isn't fair." She got up. "Get some sleep, Luka. I'll see you tonight." He raised his eyebrows at her, that grin on his face. She folded her arms.

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"Of course not, just when you're in the room." Luka yawned. Abby rolled her eyes and walked off towards the shower. "It's a compliment, Abby." She ignored him. He laughed, briefly thinking about joining her. _'I'll go in a minute.'_ He closed his eyes.

"_And after all that we've been through  
I find that when I think of you  
A warm soft wind runs  
through and through  
And in my heart  
there's only you"_

When Abby came out of the shower, he was fast asleep. She pushed his hair back, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"Don't work too hard." Luka mumbled, his eyes still closed. She smiled down at him.

"I won't. Sleep tight." With one last glance, she was off to work.

xxxxxxxx

I woke up, vaguely aware of a warm body entangled with mine. I snuggled closer. _'Mmm… Michael.'_ My eyes shot open. Michael was in Iraq… Ray was in bed with me. While I was hardly hung over (I'd only had two drinks the night before), it still took a few minutes for the pieces to come together. '_I slept with Ray… last night. Oh bugger.' _A part of me, albeit a very small part, felt guilty for letting things get so far with Ray. It was wrong in so many ways- never mind that I was finally doing something for myself.

For the most part, however, I was so happy to finally be with Ray that I didn't actually care. I kissed him, softly, on the lips. His eyes fluttered a bit before opening to reveal brilliant, sea green eyes.

"_I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
Is there something more than what I've been handed?  
I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer  
Help me carry on  
Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes  
To navigate the darkness"_

"Morning." I said, a sleepy smile on my face.

"Hey beautiful." He replied, pulling me back on top of him. I looked down at him, my hair making a curtain around our faces. We kissed long and hard- savoring this moment we had to ourselves.

"I love you, Neela. And there's not a damn thing I can do about it." He placing my hair behind my ear, letting his hand stroke my cheek.

"I know. I'm as helpless as you are, Ray. I love you, too." I sighed, tucking my head under his chin. "It isn't fair, Ray."

"I know. Michael's a good guy, though. He deserves better than this. We all do." I sat up, needing to see the sincerity in his eyes. It was there.

"Don't think I regret last night, because I don't. I just wish things were different. I wish I had you." I felt a tear run down my cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb.

"You do, babe, you already do. Straighten things out with Gallant first. I'll wait." He kissed my forehead.

"_Oh I am what I am  
I'll do what I want  
But I can't hide  
I won't go  
I won't sleep  
I can't breathe  
Until you're resting here with me"  
_

"Thank you." I whispered. I took his hands in mine, pressing my lips to them. He gathered me into his arms and we stayed there for what felt like an eternity. God, I didn't want it to end.

"Oh, shit." I looked at Ray quizzically. "I'm going to be late." We sat up together. I looked at the clock with him.

"Damn, so am I." We were on the road in ten minutes.

xxxxxxxx

Carter opened his eyes. He lay there for a while, enjoying a quiet moment. '_My last day in Chicago.'_ He let out a breath._ 'It's time to go back to Africa.'_

The large, empty house no longer bothered him as he padded down the stairs. His son's ghost was gone, allowing him to live and breathe and feel. Replacing the sorrow were memories of his grandmother and grandfather, and of Bobby. His own dead haunted him just the way Luka's once had all those years ago. He had more in common with his friend than he realized. But Carter had learned a valuable lesson from Luka: don't let death overwhelm you, embrace your losses and move on.

"_If you wait for me then I'll come for you  
Although I've traveled far  
I always hold a place for you in my heart  
If you think of me, If you miss me once in a while  
Then I'll return to you  
I'll return and fill that space in your heart"_

And he was moving on, or at least trying to. This trip to Chicago had been good for him. He was ready to go back and make amends with Kem. To make things work and to teach his wife what life had taught him this past week.

As he got into the cab later that morning, he realized there was one more thing left to do.

"Before we go to the airport, I need to make two stops…"


	12. Blackbird

_This picks up pretty much where the last chapter left off. Again, it's a bit slow, but I hope you like it._

_First verse from "The Promise" by Tracie Chapman_

_Second verse from "Blackbird" by the Beatles_

_Third verse from "Silver Lining" by Amanda Ghost_

_**Chapter Twelve:**_

"Mrs. Zander in Curtain Three; she's waiting on surgery. And that's it- I am out of here." Pratt handed the chart over to Abby. With a sweeping gesture of farewell, he was gone. Abby sat at the desk, working on a chart, when Neela and Ray walked in, late, and together. Neela caught Abby's look of interest.

"I told you we should have come in separately. We don't live together anymore and Abby's giving me a weird look." Neela whispered to Ray. He looked back at Abby and then Neela into the lounge.

"You're just being paranoid, she's doing charts." Neela sighed, donning her lab coat. She was so cute when she was frustrated. He couldn't help stealing a kiss.

"Ray!" Neela gasped.

"What? No one's around." Ray slammed his locker and turned to face her.

"That's not the point." He kissed her again.

"What is?" Neela frowned at him, hands on her hips. Neela couldn't stay mad at him for long; he had that bloody look on his face. It was the look that got him out of dishes and out of a scolding when they were roomies.

"You're impossible." She said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"That's why you love me." She laughed, kissing him.

"_Remembering  
Your touch  
Your kiss  
Your warm embrace  
I'll find my way back to you  
If you'll be waiting  
If you dream of me like I dream of you  
In a place that's warm and dark  
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart"_

Abby knew something was up when Neela and Ray exited the lounge a few minutes later. They had the same look she and Luka had after a stolen moment together. She couldn't tell how long it had been going on, but the fact that 'it' was going on in the first place was amazing. She laughed a bit to herself, not believing how much Neela had changed from med school.

It was a hectic day for the ER. A slow morning makes for a crazy shift. The staff tried to go easy on Abby, giving her the lighter cases. Still, Abby was counting the minutes until her break.

Last patient: a simple suturing job. A 6 year old boy with a hand lac. One look at the mother and she could tell this was going to be anything but simple. She was almost spastic as Abby came into the room.

"Oh thank God. Is Anthony going to be okay?" Abby sat down heavily and looked at the boy's hand.

"He'll be fine, Mrs. Garret. This looks like it needs a few stitches, nothing more. Okay, Anthony, want to tell me what happened?"

"I dropped a glass and cut my hand trying to pick up the pieces."

"I told you not to get those glasses out, or to pick up broken glass. He never listens to me." It was an easy procedure, but the mother was like a mosquito buzzing around her ear. When she finally discharged the boy, she had a splitting headache from the woman's constant questions.

"Frank, I'm going over to Ike's for a break. If you need me, page me." Frank gave a tight smile and a nod.

"Will do." She whipped around, nearly running into Luka. He caught her, keeping her in his arms a little longer than necessary. She smiled up at him.

"Hey." He said softly, smiling back.

"Hey, yourself. I thought you were getting some sleep." Luka shrugged.

"I wanted to see what you were up, making sure they weren't working you too hard." Abby took Luka's hand, and headed towards Ike's.

"No. If I can complain at all, it's that I don't get enough work." Luka winked at her.

"My orders."

"You just take all the fun out of everything, don't you? All your little spies doing your dirty work." She said with a twist of her lips. He stopped her, mid-step.

"It's my job. To look after you, to protect you, and simply to care." He whispered in her ear, kissing her just below the lobe. Luka's voice sent shivers through Abby.

"You know, for once, I don't mind." She kissed him chastely on the chin. "Thank you." Then on the lips. "Now let's go eat, we're hungry." She complained, hand on her belly.

"Uh oh."

"What?"

"Every time you've said that the past three months, I spend my paycheck on your food. You might as well be eating for three." She nudged him in the ribs with her elbow as he chuckled.

Abby was just finishing when someone whistled.

"Bravo." Carter said. "That was a true accomplishment, Abby." The two men laughed as Abby made a face at the two of them.

"Hahaha. Very funny. What are you doing here, Carter? I thought you were supposed to be on a plane right now?"

"Are you trying to get rid of me? I can't believe it." He looked at Abby, mock surprise on his face.

"Of course not, Carter. Sit down." Luka invited.

"I actually can't-"

"Please, there's something we wanted to ask you, now that you're hear." Luka interrupted. Carter complied, perplexed.

"Carter, you've been a good friend to Luka and I; it would mean a lot to us if you would be the baby's godfather." Carter looked at them, not quite believing they were serious.

"Really? Umm… well, I'd be honored."

"It just means you'll have to be here in September; for the baby's baptism." Luka said, smiling.

"Yeah, definitely. I'll be here. I never asked, did you pick a name?" Abby nodded, but Luka responded.

"Vesna Aaralyn. Vesna is Croatian."

"That's a beautiful name." Carter smiled as he stood. "I'm sorry but I really do need to get going." Luka and Abby stood with him.

"Thanks for stopping by, Carter." Abby said as Carter gave her a hug, lightly kissing her cheek.

"I would never leave without saying goodbye." Abby gave him a look. "Okay, maybe I would, but not this time." Carter handed her a small, wrapped gift. "Thanks, Abby, for everything. This is for you and Luka, and Vesna, too."

She looked at it. "What is it?" Carter winked.

"You'll see when you open it." He said, with a mischievous smile. Abby made a face but tucked it in a pocket for later. Carter reached out a hand. "May I?" Abby nodded.

"Sure."

"Be good for Mom and Dad, Vesna. We'll see you in July." He said, gently rubbing Abby's stomach. Luka and Carter shared their 'manly' hug.

"See you in a couple months, my friend." Luka stood with an arm around Abby as Carter walked off with a wave.

"Bye."

"Have a safe flight, Carter." He was a different person from the man she'd seen a week ago. He was finally free. Abby smiled as she watched him get in his cab.

"_Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these broken wings and learn to fly  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to arise  
Blackbird singing in the dead of night  
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see  
All your life  
You were only waiting for this moment to be free."_

"Well, I've got a couple things to do as well."

"Like paint the rooms." Luka rolled his eyes.

"I need paint first, woman." Abby cocked an eyebrow. "Don't give me that look. I'll do it, I promise. Just not today and not when you're in the house. The room is a surprise." Abby pursed her lips, hand on hip.

"I know, but where am I supposed to stay? You can't kick me out."

"Neela still has your apartment, doesn't she?"

"Yes… I still have to sign the lease over to her _and_ get all my crap out of there." She sighed. "Can't time just stop for a little bit so I can catch up?" Abby said, hand on her forehead.

"I'm afraid there's no stopping it. In a few months we'll be parents." It was a scary thought for both of them. Abby wasn't sure she would be a good mother. Luka was afraid of being a father again. Both, however, were sure that together they could pull it off. Luka would show Abby what to do (although he had a feeling she was a natural) and Abby would give Luka the faith in himself to do it all over again (but she knew he had the strength to handle it without her). After a moment, Luka offered his idea. "Why don't you stay there for a few days and pack up your stuff. That will give us a chance to do the room." Luka and the ER staff had cooked up the idea to decorate the baby room as their collective gift to the couple. There was a baby shower mixed in with all that, but Neela was handling that. It left Abby completely out of the loop as far as _everything_ was concerned.

"Can you handle being celibate for that long?" Abby said, laughter bubbling at the surface. Luka shrugged, close to a smile himself.

"We'll just think of it as practice." Luka kissed Abby. "Until later then." He said with a wink. Just as Luka left, Neela breezed in. A look of relief flashed across her face once she spotted Abby.

"Just the person I was looking for! Hey Neela." The younger woman sat down.

"I just thought we'd chat, it's been a while."

"That it has. So what's new?"

"Nothing much, actually. I heard from Michael the other day, he's doing fine. He's actually happy out there. I understand how he misses all his mates and everything, but I'm his bloody wife." Neela let out a sigh. Abby placed a hand on Neela's.

"When is his tour over?"

"In another couple of months. I just hope he makes it back in one piece."

"He will, you'll see. Everything will work out in the end. Besides, give him this now and you have leverage for life. Blackmail and bargaining- the keys to marriage." The two laughed.

"What's going on with you, Abby?"

"Besides looking like a cow? Nothing really, just waiting for baby girl to make an appearance." Abby said, tapping her stomach. "I'm trying to decide when to take my maternity leave, if I do."

"Really? Why wouldn't you?"

"I don't know; Luka and I are still discussing it." Abby shrugged.

"How _are_ things with Dr. Kovac going?"

"You can call him Luka, you know. He's kicking me out of the house for a few days." A puzzled look briefly crossed Neela's face before she nodded.

"Oh, they're painting the room. Where are you planning on staying?"

"Actually, I was hoping to stay with you. I know I've been slow about moving all my stuff out, but the few days they need for the room should give me enough time. I can even sign the lease over to you."

"That would be fantastic! And you hardly have to ask my permission. Do you want to come over tomorrow, then?"

"Sounds fine to me." Neela looked down, wringing her hands, as she debated whether or not to tell Abby about Ray.

"Spill Neela."

"What?"

"What's going on between you and Ray? I know _something_ happened." Neela stared at Abby with a baffled look on her face."

"How…" Neela pushed her hair back with a hand and looked away.

"Oh my God. You slept with Ray. I knew something was going on, but I didn't think it had gone that far."

"It's not like I knew it was going to happen. I moved out of Ray's so this _wouldn't_ happen. But than last night, I was having such a bad day and I went to a bar. I only had two drinks but I called Ray so I wouldn't have to walk home alone. It just happened."

"You didn't do it on my bed, did you? Because that's kind of weird."

"No, we did it on the couch." Abby made a face.

"Ok, you can have the couch. Is he any good?"

"God, yes." Neela smiled. "I think I'm in love with him."

"What about Gallant?"

"I really don't know. I'm afraid you were right. We barely know each other and we rushed into marriage. It was the most senseless thing I've ever done."

"If it makes you feel any better, you two were the sweetest couple I've ever seen. What are you going to do?"

"What can I do? Things have been strained between us since he decided to go back. My marriage is already in shambles, and now this. I'm so cautious with everything else, but I am a 'fool in love.' I should just call him, see where we stand. It really would be unfair to dump all this shit on him without giving him a clue as to why when he comes back."

"_Drawn to the violence of change  
Charmed by the sentimental brave_

_Scared of the things that people say  
Knowing my confidence might fade_

_Silver Lining, I bathe in your light  
I'll always believe in your place in my life.  
Silver Lining, I know that I'm right  
I'll always believe in your right to shine."_

"Are you and Ray going to keep seeing each other?"

"No, no. Ray wants me to get things sorted out with Michael first. He's a better guy than we thought, Abby. He really is."

"He still slept with you after you had a few drinks." Abby said with a wry smile. "But that doesn't really matter now, does it." Neela sighed.

"Abby, don't. It was as much my decision as it was his." Abby shrugged.

"I'm not denying that. Maybe you just need a break from all this. Get some perspective. When was the last time you saw your family in England?"

"I haven't been home in a couple years. I don't have the time ri-"

"Go, Neela, after the baby shower. Get your head sorted out." Just then Abby's beeper went off, followed by Neela's. "Duty calls. We'll talk later?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Abby." Neela gave Abby a small, sad smile as they left the restaurant.

"No problem. Did I tell you Carter stopped by today?" A few minutes later, Abby had a godmother for her little girl.


	13. One Step Closer

_Verse from "One Step Closer" by Linkin Park_

_**Chapter Thirteen: One Step Closer**_

It had been three days and I still couldn't believe it. Carter's 'little gift' had been the key to a PT Cruiser (It was a beautiful shade of midnight blue, by the way). Not only that, but inside the car were papers for a trust fund that Carter had set up for his godchild. That was Carter, though, extravagant. I almost didn't want to accept it all, but Luka talked me down.

"Abby, you can't say no to this. It means a lot to him. He has no child of his own, yet." I turned away, not even able to look at him. I was upset, feeling like the Abby of a few years ago. I was the woman everyone wanted to 'help.' I hate that feeling; of helplessness and worthlessness, of needing people to lead me out of my misery. I wasn't any of those things now and I wasn't about to let anyone take me there again.

"Don't bring his dead child into this. It's too much. He just spent $25, 000 on a car, for us! That doesn't even include the $10, 000 trust fund."

"Just take it Abby, it's his way of… making things up."

"What did he ever do to us?"

"It's not _about_ us. It's about him, about… redeeming himself. It's hard to explain, but I understand why he's doing it. Just accept the gift, for him, Abby." I let out a sigh, spinning around to face him as I turned my head. I surrendered and Luka gave me one of his brilliant smiles.

The next day I was off to Neela's, only seeing Luka at work. Neela and I had a great time. We watched chick flicks, pigged out, and had a chance to spend time together for the first time in a long time. Of course we went for a spin in the new car. I had to give it to Carter, he knew how to pick the best. I got all my packing done (Neela wouldn't let me do any of the lifting, it was like having another Luka around) and arranged to sign the lease on my apartment over to Neela.

It wasn't until my final night there that Neela broached the subject of her marriage and her affair. It wasn't really a matter of figuring out what she was going to do. She knew things couldn't go on with Michael as they were. And she realized that she would carry the memories of this with her forever.

"_I find the answers aren't so clear  
Wish I could find a way to disappear  
All these thoughts they make no sense  
I find bliss in ignorance  
Nothing seems to go away  
Over and over again"_

Marriage isn't something to be taken lightly, or to enter into without thought. If there was one thing I'd learned, it was that. I just wish I could've kept her from the heartache of learning that lesson first hand. I wish I'd warned her of what she was about to do; but those eyes, they held a sort of innocence in them. Far be it for me to show her the raw truth. I couldn't stop her that day; the look she gave me a silent plea for understanding. All she wanted was support, and I gave it to her. And now? I held her in my arms as she sobbed, though it broke my heart to see her this way.

"I've made such a mess of things, Abby. How many will I hurt, how much will I torture myself, before I'm happy? Or even bloody satisfied." She struggled through her tears. "I'm so selfish." She whispered. I stroked her hair, trying to think of something to say that would help. The only thing I came up with was clichéd, if anything else.

"You know, they say you can't pick who you fall in love with. So it isn't technically all your fault." She sat up and looked at me.

"Oh that's rubbish, and you know that. The only person I can blame for this is me." Neela wiped at her eyes. I handed her a tissue, giving her a pointed look.

"What are you going to do about it?"

"Call Michael, I suppose. I might just take your advice and take a damn vacation. God, and I thought internship was stressful. Never screw two men at the same time Abby; it will make life much simpler."

"Uh, I'll keep that in mind. Besides, it's not really my style." We shared a smile. Her smile faltered a bit as she went on.

"You know, it isn't just what happened with Ray. It's a large part of it, but I can't stop thinking of Michael's parents. They _hate_ each other. She blames him for ruining her life in the military; he accuses her of not supporting him enough. I don't want that for us. I can't live like that, knowing that's how we'll turn out. I don't want to _be_ bitter and resentful. When Micahel left me, to go back over there, a little piece me hated him. It's already started. I love them both and neither way is easy, but my love for Michael isn't strong enough to pass this test. It's over for us." The tears began again and I pulled her back into my arms, damn my maternal instincts. I didn't say much, just rocked back and forth with her.

Now I stood at the door to my house, awaiting the big 'surprise!' on the other side. Not that it was much of a surprise. I let out a breath as I opened the door.

"Surprise!" Yeah, just as I predicted. I did burst into tears when I saw the room though. Everyone had gathered around to present it to me. It was wonderful. It wasn't pink, thank God for small miracles, but it was a beautiful shade of lilac with whispers of baby blue. The ceiling was a much darker color, little stars painted on. The furniture was a dark mahogany with intricate carvings of the sun and moon. The bedding matched the color of the blue on the walls. I was in love with it. Then it caught my eye. There was Pooh Bear, sitting in the crib, alone and very out of place. The mobile made me laugh.

"Is that what I think it is?" I turned to ask Luka.

"What? It's a mobile of famous Croatian diplomats." He smiled at me. Morris poked his head in, looking around. Yeah, Neela had decided on a co-ed baby shower.

"Did you see it?" He asked me.

"See what?"

"The little shirt I got." He went rummaging in one of the drawers and pulled out a tiny tee. It had "ER Mascot" on the front. I rolled my eyes.

"He didn't." Luka and I looked at each other.

"I'm afraid he did."

"Morris, what did I tell you about that?" I said, placing my hands at the small of my back. For some reason the back ache was more pronounced today. It wasn't just the pain either. I had just a weird feeling, something felt off. I know as a doctor I should've taken it more seriously, but as a woman I ignored it.

"You don't… love it? Because I really thought it was adorable." He handed the tiny garment to me. "Just think about it." He left the room. Luka turned to me, putting his hands at the base of my spine and gently massaging.

"You okay?" I nodded. "You're sure? Because I can kick everyone out if you want to rest. Most of them have shifts in a little while anyway." I reached up to touch his cheek, caressing.

"I'm fine, I promise." I hooked my arms around his neck. "Swollen ankles, restless nights, backaches, and frequent bathroom trips are all part of the deal. Although I will throttle you if this kid is more than seven pounds. And I swear she's going to play soccer." His hand came around to rest on my baby belly.

"Football. She's really active."

"You're telling me. Sure you don't want some of the burden?"

"Would if I could." He smiled down at me. "Did you find your mother and brother yet?"

"Actually, yes. It was nice to see them. They're both stable and on their meds, which is even better." Luka and I had a few more moments together before I was dragged off for more of the "fun."

Everyone but Neela, Luka, and Maggie were gone after the games and the cake and the presents. Haleh had given me a lovely set of bath pearls and dried roses.

"You'll appreciate these after the baby is born." She said to me. "Remember to take some time for yourself, honey." Sam's gift was a wipe warmer.

"I would've killed for one of these when Alex was a baby. He did not like cold wipes, you can imagine how many times I was peed on." We had a lot of the furniture, but the gifts were wonderful. There were plenty of clothes, bottles, receiving blankets, and little things like that. Everyone was really sweet and genuine. The games were just plain chaotic. Half the group was covered in toilet paper and the other half in cake by the time we were done. I managed to stay out of the way, although Luka got completely slimed.

Neela did a great job, even as preoccupied as she was. Speaking of Neela, I'd seen her walk off with Ray somewhere. It was a wonder the two didn't have the gossip mill in a frenzy. She wasn't in the house. I opened the door to check for her car and almost ran into someone ringing the doorbell. He was older with graying hair and glasses. He was also tall, like Luka, but with nowhere near the shoulder width.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"Hello, I'm looking for Abigail Wyczenski. Does she live here?" It took a minute, but from the fuzzy memories, I knew who stood in front of me.

"Oh no. I am not doing this again." I slammed the door.

"Abby? Abby, let me in." I leaned back against the door as he banged on it. I closed my eyes against the tears. Why now? Luka and Maggie made their way over, curious.

"Is that-?" Maggie started.

"I'm your father. I just want to talk." I pushed through Luka and Maggie, tears running down my face.

"I can't do this."


	14. Goodbye My Lover

_First verse from "This Woman's Work" by Kate Bush_

_Second verse from "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt_

**_Chapter Fourteen: Goodbye My Lover_**

I looked a Maggie in shock.

"Oh dear." She covered her mouth with her hands.

"Her father?" She nodded.

"Paul came to see me a few weeks ago. He wanted to get in touch again. I wasn't sure he would actually come" I was torn between figuring out what just happened and checking on Abby. I decided to let Abby cool off.

"What happened between them? For her to have such a reaction…"

"I'm not exactly sure." She shook her head, hand on her forehead. "I hoped by giving Paul your address to make things alright between them. Give them a chance to work things out. Maybe it was foolish to think this would make up for everything." Maggie looked up at me, tears shining in her own eyes. "It's too late, again, isn't it?"

A knock on the door reminded us that Paul was still there.

"I'm going to check on Abby, maybe I can talk to her. She has a way of changing her head sometimes." Maggie was about to say something, but chose instead to take care of Abby's father.

xxxxxxxx

Maggie took a deep breath before opening the door to her ex- husband.

"Maggie? What are you doing here?" Paul said, surprised.

"It was Abby's baby shower today, I came into town for that."

"Can I see her? I just want to talk to her, maybe catch up on all I've missed. I know I haven't been the best father, but I've been trying to get my life together."

"I'm not the one who needs to here this, Paul. She does."

"Let me in and I will." Paul made a move to enter the house. Maggie held him back with a hand to his chest.

"Not right now. She isn't ready to see you. Abby needs… time, to get used to the idea of you being back in her life. She's had a rough life, Paul, no thanks to us. She's finally happy and getting on with her life. She's in love, having her first baby. Let her settle into this first. Please." He sighed, stepping back. He smiled, but it was far from happy. The look in Paul's eyes pulled at Maggie's heart. He was a broken man.

"I can't wait that long, Maggie. I don't have the time." Paul ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip in a way that reminded Maggie of Abby. She hated playing middle man, but she was tired of pushing things on Abby. Her father had been gone for so long because of her. She hadn't let him in to their lives. She desperately wanted to make up for that, wanted to reunite father and daughter, but now was not the time. "I'll leave, but I'll be back in Chicago next month. Tell her I'm sorry and that I just want to talk."

"I will." He bagan to walk off. "Thanks, Paul." He turned and she gave him a small smile.

"Thank you for giving me another chance."

xxxxxxxx

I found Abby sitting in the baby's room, swinging in the rocking chair.

"Don't Luka. Just don't say a damn word."

"He's your father, Abby."

"He was never there. He left us to deal with… her." She waved her arm in Maggie's general direction.

"But he's here now. Doesn't that count for anything?" Abby completely baffled me sometimes. It struck me how different we were. Family was everything to me- they were people who loved and cared for me. For Abby, family was a disaster, a curse. She was always the strong one, the one who took all the blows and hits and kept going. Her family had held her back for years and messed her up for life. I'd been trying to show her the good side of family- but old demons die hard.

"_I should be crying, but I just can't let it show.   
I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking   
Of all the things I should've said,   
That I never said.   
All the things we should've done,   
That we never did.   
All the things I should've given,   
But I didn't.   
Give me these moments back.   
Give them back to me."_

Abby stood up, her anger evident in the way she stood.

"No, it doesn't. I won't let him into my life again, he's done enough already."

"Give him a chance, Abby."

"No! Why can't you understand that I don't want him in my life? You had the perfect childhood, Luka. Mine was a nightmare and my father is a big part of the reason why. You're father was always there, mine abandoned me. I won't- oh." She let out a breath. I took Abby's arm as she doubled over, hands on her stomach.

"Abby, what's going on? Braxton- Hicks?" She shook her head.

"Stronger than that." She managed. I sat her down, placing my hands on her belly. She was in the middle of a contraction.

"Shit. Is this the first one?" She took my hands, squeezing. All I could think about was stopping them. It was way too early, 28 weeks.

"Yes." She gasped as the contraction ended.

"Good. We have to get you to County. I'm going to pick you up now, okay?"

"I can walk, Luka." I helped her up. God, how Abby loved her independence, but not today.

"I know, but I'm going to carry you."

"Hey! Luka…"

"This is my job." I swung her into my arms and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

"This can't be happening." I kissed her hair.

"We might still be able to stop them. Let's just get to the ER first." Abby rested her head on my shoulder and we headed downstairs. Maggie stood up from the couch when she saw us, no Paul in sight. Before she had a chance to say a word, I spoke.

"Abby's having contractions. We need to get to the hospital. Will you stay here and let Neela know what's going on if she shows up? I'll call you as soon as I can to let you know what's going on." Maggie shook her head, her brows creased with worry.

"I'd rather come with you than stay here and wait." I frowned but realized I didn't really want to argue with her.

"Lock the door." I was worried and trying not to let her see it. We both knew, as doctors, what this meant. While it was a good sign that the contractions weren't too close together; if we didn't stop them soon, we were going to have this baby tonight.

xxxxxx

I'd long since left the baby shower. Abby would forgive me… eventually.

I'd been staring at the phone for a while now, trying to find the courage to pick it up and call Michael. Finally I just snatched the bloody thing and dialed the number before I had much of a chance to think. I reached an Army operator, who then let me leave a message.

"Could you let Captain Michael Gallant know that Neela Rasgotra Gallant called for him. It isn't urgent, but I do very much need to speak with him."

"I'll give him the message, ma'am. Have a nice day." The operator said.

"You too. Thank you." I hung up and stared at the cellphone again. Not a minute had gone by when the phone rang, making me jump.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Neela, this is Luka. Abby's in preterm labor. We're on our way to the hospital. Can you meet us there?"

"Of course. I'm on my way." We hung up and it hit me. Abby was in labor two months early. Shit. My pager buzzed as I started out the door. I was going there anyway, so I ignored it. At the hospital, Jerry tried to get my attention as I sped past him.

"They're in Trauma Two, but uh… there are two men here for you, Neela."

"I'm only here to see Abby, Jerry. Take a message." I slammed through the doors to see Sam, Haleh, Luka, and Kerry already at work. Not that Abby _needed_ three doctors and two nurses, but it was Abby after all.

"Hey. What's going on?"

"Preterm labor, contractions 12 minutes apart, one centimeter dilated." Luka rattled off. Abby was hooked up to an IV and a fetal monitor. I assumed a pelvic had just been done from the way Kerry set Abby's legs down and pulled off her gloves.

"Vitals?" I asked as I took Abby's hand.

"Blood pressure is a little high at 130/ 80, but other than that everything is normal. Fetal heart rate is fine at 140." Sam replied.

"They've given me IV fluids, antibiotics, and magnesium sulfate. Luka and Kerry are debating about whether or not to give me dexamethasone."

"That isn't true. We decided to give it to her if the contractions get any closer together or if she dilates more than 4 centimeters. If she's going to deliver this baby tonight, and the magnesium sulfate should make sure she doesn't, we need to develop the baby's lungs." Luka said, with a hand on Abby's knee. Abby just rolled her eyes.

"I know, I know. God, I never realized how annoying it was to have doctors talk about you like you're not there. I was unconscious the last time." I smiled. She was in good spirits, things could be much worse. I squeezed her hand.

"We just need to let the drugs work. I'll be back, I have other patients waiting." Kerry left. Now that things had settled down, I left to give them time alone. I sighed, running a hand through my hair as I walked down the hall. Two men in uniform stood at the front desk.

"These men are here to see you, Neela. They're from the Army." Jerry said, in a quiet voice.

"Is everything okay?" I asked. The first one spoke.

"Is there somewhere we can talk to you in private, ma'am?" I closed my eyes, thinking and praying that they weren't here for the reason I thought they were. Between Jerry's quiet voice and the two men's sympathetic looks, I feared the worst was true.

"_Did I disappoint you or let you down?  
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?  
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,  
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won."_

"Um, yeah." I turned, tears threatening to spill as I lead the way to an empty exam two.

"Ma'am, the Secretary of the Army wishes to extend his condolences. Captain Gallant was killed in the line of duty; his vehicle was hit by a roadside bomb." As soon as he started, I felt the tears trickle down my face.

"Was it instant?"

"Yes, ma'am. He didn't feel any pain. The body has been shipped and should be here in 7-10 days. Do you want us to inform his parents?" I shook my head, wiping at the tears.

"I should call them. Myself. I've never planned a funeral, never thought I'd have to- for a while at least." The tears began again. The second offered me a tissue. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, ma'am. We have this for you." He handed me a manila envelope. "This has all the information you'll need. There's also something Captain Gallant asked to be given to you in the case something happened to you. If you need anything, call the number in there; the army will be happy to help in anyway we can." A quick touch to my shoulder and they were gone. I must've sat in there for an hour, sobbing quietly. My life is a wreck. It's been built on complete bullshit for so long and now it's all falling down around me. What will be left of me?

"_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me."_

Ray walked into the room, I didn't even notice until he placed a hand on my arm.

"I'm sorry, Neela. I heard about Gallant. Are you okay?" Looking at Ray reminded me of all that had happened in the last couple of weeks. I shrugged him off, wiping at a lone tear. I couldn't handle him and… this right now. Scenes with Michael played in my head, leaving me even worse off. The flashes of my night with Ray were torture. I'm such a hypocrite.

"Ray." He touched my hand, tentatively. I snatched it back, my skin burning.

"Don't shut me out, Neela." My eyes, still red from crying, met his.

"I'm not shutting you out, I just lost my husband."

"I just want to help, Neela, to be there for you."

"No! The only way you'll be helping me is to leave me alone. I can't think about you right now. Just go, Ray." He reached for my face, a finger touching my cheek. I closed my eyes, tears slipping out. "Please." I whispered, pleading with him to understand. He softly kissed my cheek.

"I love you, Neela." He whispered back. And then he was gone.


	15. Letting the Cables Sleep

_Sorry for the long wait folks, I've been busy._

_verse one from "Letting the Cables Sleep" by Bush_

_verse two from "How Sweet it is to be Loved by You" by the Temptations_

_verse three from "Are You Lonesome Tonight" by Elvis Presley_

_**Chapter Fifteen: Letting the Cables Sleep**_

Abby loosened her grip on Luka's hand, the contraction over with. They were getting weaker and farther apart, a sign that the medication was doing its job. She was relieved, and could see that Luka was too. He kissed her hand.

"You realize this means bed rest, right?" Abby closed her eyes, collapsing against the pillows.

"Yeah, I know, for up to 12 weeks." She groaned. "I can't believe this! I've seen hundreds of pregnancies go fine, why can't mine be like that. Normal, no complications…"

"Abby." Luka said, his tone telling her he thought she was being ridiculous. "The baby is still fine; we've just had a few bumps. We're okay."

"I know." Hormones took over and tears spilled over onto her cheeks.

"Hey, Abby, it's okay." He dabbed at her tears with a tissue.

"I'm being silly, I'm sorry."

"No, you aren't. It's okay to be worried, but don't let it get to you; especially when things are going so well." Luka kissed her cheek. He stayed with her until she was calmer and then moved to leave. "I'm going to find Kerry, see if we can go home. The contractions have all but stopped and I can watch you at home."

"Won't they want me to stay the night, for observation?" Abby was a bit distracted as she spotted Neela heading for them. Luka winked.

"I'll see what I can do about that." Abby smiled and closed her eyes briefly, listening to Luka's footsteps as he left the room. "Hey Neela."

"Hi Luka." Her voice was tight and oddly quiet. Abby opened her eyes again as Neela walked up to the bed.

"You okay?" Up close, she could see the red eyes and the tear tracks. Her concern and curiosity instantly turned into panic and fear. "Neela?"

"It still doesn't feel real to me. I was talking to him last week. Michael's dead. Two soldiers from the army stopped by today, one a casualty officer and the other a chaplain. Roadside bomb and like that he's gone. Gone, Abby. And here I am… sleeping with Ray." Abby held her close as the tears started fresh. She shut her eyes against her own tears; not so much for Gallant, but for Neela. She couldn't begin to imagine the guilt and pain. She stroked her friend's hair, hoping to offer some kind of comfort. It wasn't much, but it was all she had to give. Luka entered the room again, giving Abby a perplexed look. She motioned for him to leave. Neela quieted. She collected herself again and stood up. Abby saw the change in Neela. Her face and her whole body language went from grieving to emotionless in two seconds.

"_You in the dark, you in the pain, you on the run.  
Living a hell, living your ghost, living your end."_

"I have a lot to do. I still need to call Michael's parents and there are funeral arrangements to be ma-"

"Neela. It's okay to take some time to grieve. You may be in love with Ray, but Michael was your husband for six months."

"Someone needs to take care of everything." Neela gave Abby a smile and a quick squeeze to her hand. "I'll be by later to check on you." Abby waved a hand at Neela.

"Don't worry about me, I've got Luka. Just give yourself time Neela, and call me if you need me. I'm here for you, and Ray too. Don't try and do this alone." Neela didn't really hear Abby, she just left. Luka walked in after Neela left.

"What's going on?" Abby licked at her bottom lip, still in a bit of a shock and still worried about Neela.

"Gallant's been killed over in Iraq." Luka let out a breath and sat down heavily into a nearby chair.

"Is she okay?"

"No, not at all. At least she's crying, that's a good sign. It just worries me that she's diving straight into the funeral. Things are more than a bit complicated for her right now." Abby shook her head. "What did Weaver say?" Luka took a moment to refocus.

"She said I can take you home, but to get you back here if the contractions start again. We're free to go as soon as your meds are done." They looked at the empty bag and took it as a sign to leave. In the wake of her baby scare and then Neela, Abby had completely forgotten about Maggie.

"Where's my mom?" Abby asked as Luka helped her get dressed.

"At the house. She was getting tired, so I told her everything was fine and sent her home. I said we'd call if anything happened, which it didn't." He shrugged. Abby nodded, glad she didn't have to deal with her mother for at least another day. Luka, her angel, to the rescue again. There was something about the way that Luka stepped in that she didn't mind. It had always been a control issue with Carter. He wanted to rescue her, but in exchange wanted to have the reigns to her life. Her punishment for not listening to him? His stony silence and quiet condemnation. He'd gotten over his addiction, why couldn't she?

With Luka, it was more of his genuine desire to be there for her. He didn't judge, didn't push her. Luka… Luka understood her boundaries and had bothered to learn how to read her. They both had learned to deal with her family, but Luka never threw it in her face behind closed doors. And mot importantly, he recognized her faults and didn't try to fix. Instead Luka loved her all the more for them and trusted Abby to love him for his own faults.

"_I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were  
I needed someone to understand my ups and downs and there you were  
With sweet love and devotion  
I just want to stop and thank you baby"_

Carter had always been perfect- no faults, no defects.

Abby tried not to compare the two men, but the differences caught her attention in this moment. Things had been over with Carter for awhile and they had long since made amends; but she was struck by how different they really were. Both in personality and their treatment of her.

"Okay. Ready to get outta here? I don't want to be a patient at County again until I actually give birth. And you wondered why I never wanted kids." There was a sparkle in Abby's eyes that Luka had missed in the last couple of days. She was under a lot of stress with work and the pressures of the pregnancy. It was almost over. He was enjoying it, watching her blossom under the gentle hands of motherhood. He found her absolutely stunning.

She complained about the backache and her ankles, but it would all be forgotten as soon as she met her baby daughter. It was an amazing experience and he was overjoyed to be doing it with the woman he loved, planned or not. Luka only hoped to get her through it in one piece. Although mother and baby were fine for now, they'd had two scares (both he blamed himself for) and he wasn't about to take any more risks. He couldn't handle losing another family.

They had arrived at the hospital around nine and it was now nearly midnight as he prepared to take Abby home. Considering this was County, they weren't doing too badly.

xxxxxxxx

It had been a couple days since she received news of Michael. Neela was still an emotional wreck. She had been given leave from work; Kerry had been kind when she told her not to even think of coming to work until she was ready. The Gallants had been called and were in town to put on one last show as a married couple for the funeral. They had never even told him about the divorce. It was just as well. The telephone rang, but she ignored. It was probably Ray, calling for the hundredth time. She understood he was worried, but she couldn't bring herself to talk to him. She needed time to sort things out and prepare for the funeral. Not that she really had any part in the funeral plans- it had been easier to let the Gallants take care of it than to deal with all their 'requests.' The message machine beeped as Ray left his message.

"Hey Neela, it's Ray. Umm… I know I'm making a nuisance of myself. I just want to let you know that I'm still here if you… ah… need me. Anytime. You shouldn't have to go through this alone." There was a pause and then he continued, softer than before. "I love you Neela." _Click._

Neela put down Michael's letter… the one he had given to her "in case something happens." The final sentence, '_I love you Neela.'_ She let herself cry all over again.

"_Are you lonesome tonight,  
do you miss me tonight?  
Are you sorry we drifted apart?  
Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day  
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?  
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?  
Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?  
Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?  
Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?"_


	16. Cold Water

_"Cold Water" by Damien Rice_

_"I Can't Smile Without You" by_

**_Chapter 16: Cold Water_**

Luka sat outside with Abby in the summer sun a couple weeks later. He was leaned against the trunk of a tree in their backyard, Abby held firmly against his chest. She was sleeping with her maternity sundress pulled to her thighs. He'd laughed at her when she said she was trying to tan them and had smacked him for it. He smoothed her hair back, leaving a kiss on her temple. His impending fatherhood weighed heavily on his mind. He just prayed for a normal, uneventful birth for Abby. Luka felt a kick from where his hands were resting on Abby's belly. He rubbed the spot. He was amazed that Abby slept through the constant movement.

But Abby was exhausted. She'd been through a lot lately. Not long after she was released from the hospital, some news reached them about her father…

xxxxxxxx

Abby lay in bed, leaned up against the backboard. Luka was at work. There was so much that needed to be done, that she couldn't do because of the restrictions that Luka and Kerry had put her on. She turned on the TV, absently flicking though the channels. Nothing interesting was on. She was dressed and in the kitchen when the phone rang. It was her mother.

"Abby, I have some bad news… about your father."

Abby hung up the phone a short while later. She let out a shaky sigh and sunk back down into the pillows, hands covering her face.

Something was wrong. Luka could sense it as he opened the door later that evening. He stopped as he came into the living room. Abby sat on the couch, a bottle of wine sitting in front of her. She held a glass in her hand, partially full, with the red liquid. Abby didn't even look at him as she took a sip. Luka sat down next to her, casually taking the glass from her hand and draining it.

"Hey!"

"Have you had many?" She stared into the glass and shook her head.

"No. That was my first glass." She looked at him and he could see that she had been crying. She pushed back her hair with one hand as she relaxed into the couch. She could see the worry written on his face as he handed her the glass back, full. "I'm not stupid, Luka. I'd never do anything to harm the baby." She said, sharply.

"I know." He said quietly, making Abby feel guilty for snapping as she had. He continued, his voice still soft with pain. "When are you going to learn that I'm not Carter? I'm not going to condemn you for the occasional glass of wine. If you feel comfortable doing that, then go ahead. You're an adult. I will respect the decisions you make. And I trust you not to put yourself or our baby in harm's way."

She set down the wine.

"I'm sorry. It's just… it's been a rough day." Luka took her hand in his, waiting patiently for her to speak. After a few minutes she sighed, finally opening up to him.

"My father died yesterday. Maggie called me today to tell me. It was something to do with his liver." She paused, trying to collect herself. "He knew he was dying. He came here to make things right and… to say goodbye. I wouldn't let him. And now it's too late, he's gone." The tears spilled over onto her cheeks. Luka took Abby into his arms and let her cry. When she was done, he tightened his hold on her.

"_Cold, cold water surrounds me now_

_And all I've got is your hand"_

"It wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known, Abby."

"I could have talked to him though."

"But you didn't. Now let it go. You can't change things and there's no use in wondering what you should have done different. Trust me, I know." He smiled sadly and rested his head on hers. They sat like that for a while, both lost in thought. She shifted in his arms and brought her lips up to meet his. The kiss was soft and sweet.

"I love you, Luka." He looked at her, amazed that he had ever managed to win her heart. He kissed her in response.

xxxxxxxx

Abby opened her eyes, trying to get a bearing on where she was. Outside in the backyard, with Luka.

"Hey. Have a nice nap?" Abby stretched, reaching behind her to ruffle Luka's hair.

"Mmm… yeah." She placed her hands over Luka's on her stomach. They smiled as felt their baby kick. "I can't wait for this to be over. Won't be too long now."

"Ten weeks. I'm ready though… to be a father again."

"Will it be hard for you… remind you of your other children?"

"Of course it will. But it's been a long time, Abby. I remember them now as they should be remembered- lovingly, not with sadness. I'll be fine, Abby. Besides, you two are my family now." He kissed her cheek. They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Luka thought about Abby and the baby before his mind wandered to work.

Neela was gone now, on leave. She left for England shortly after Gallant's funeral to be with her family. Ray was moping around and everyone knew it was because Neela was gone. She would break his heart if he weren't careful, quite a switch from the heartbreaking he was used to causing. Pratt was settling back into Chicago life after his time in the Sudan. He'd learned most of what Luka had hoped he would and was a better doctor for it. Sam was still as independent as ever and Luka wished someone would come along and sweep her off her feet. She needed someone in her life to make her smile again after the disaster that was Steve. And there was Alex to think of. Morris was long gone from the hospital. They heard the occasional word through Albright, but she usually made a point to avoid the E.R. Kerry was confidant as ever, getting used to moving around without her cane and attempting to spend more time with her son. He'd received an email from Carter- he and Kem were attempting to work things out. He'd left the Sudan after hopes of peace had completely vanished and it was no longer safe for any outsiders in the Darfur.

"Luka, let's go inside. I'm turning red." Abby said, drawing Luka out of his thoughts.

"Yes, ma'am." Luka chuckled and moved to get up; helping Abby once he was standing. She tried to walk off, but he caught her hand. His hands at her waist brought her as close as her belly would allow. Her arms came up around his neck and she looked up at him, smiling. He kissed her, a smile on his own lips.

"_I can't smile without you,  
I can't laugh  
and I can't sing,  
I'm findin' it hard to do anything.  
I just can't smile without you"_


	17. Homecoming

_Sorry it's so short, I'll make the next one longer and a Luby. Loads of thanks to Jenny for all her help and to my reviewers for pointing out mistakes, asking questions, and just telling me what you think. Thanks again._

_"The Promise" by Tracy Chapman_

_"At Last" by Etta James_

_**Chapter Seventeen: Homecoming**_

Neela was miserable. She'd been in England for a month and the constant rain did nothing to lighten her mood or her depression. Her family had long since forgiven her for marrying an 'outsider' without their consent or knowledge. Now they were suffocating her with their concern and love. She just wanted space. But more than space she wanted Ray. She had propriety to think about, and it wouldn't allow her to date, fuck, or otherwise be involved with someone so soon after her husband's death. It was simply scandalous. Not that she really cared. She'd cheated on Michael during their brief marriage, played the part of an adulteress.

With Ray. Flashes of their time together appeared in her mind, making her smile. She knew Ray so well, knew what they had together was the real deal.

"_If you wait for me then I'll come for you  
Although I've traveled far  
I always hold a place for you in my heart  
If you think of me, If you miss me once in a while  
Then I'll return to you  
I'll return and fill that space in your heart  
Remembering  
Your touch  
Your kiss  
Your warm embrace  
I'll find my way back to you"_

But Michael. Was it really okay to dismiss her time with him just because she was unhappy towards the end? He'd had never been the same after Iraq, coupled with the fact that they barely knew each other, their marriage had been a minefield in the last few months. If Michael had made it back alive, they never would have made it to a year. She knew that.

She'd come to clear her head, and in a sense it had worked. She needed to be with Ray. No matter how things had turned out with Michael, no matter what people would say- her place was with Ray now. She knew that.

"_If you'll be waiting  
If you dream of me like I dream of you  
In a place that's warm and dark  
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart"_

xxxxxxxx

O'Hare. Ray hated O'Hare. It was busy and crowded and a pain in the ass to navigate. But she was here and that was all that mattered to him. All that he really cared about. So he paced by the baggage claim, cursing security for keeping him away from greeting her at the gates. For a month he's heard not a word from her. He had been hurt to hear that she was in England from Morris of all people. He'd gotten the call yesterday. He'd missed her voice, soft and breathless over the phone. She was the last person he's expected to hear from.

"_Yeah."_ _Ray crossed his fingers, hoping it wouldn't be the hospital. He was tired, just in from his last shift and all he wanted was to sleep._

"_Hey Ray. It's me." Her voice took away any thought of sleep._

"_Neela?_ _Hey! Where are you?"_

"_Still in England._ _I was just calling to let you know I'll be coming in tomorrow at eight on flight number BA0294. Can you pick me up? I'd call Abby but-"_

"_It's fine, I have tomorrow off."_

"_Thanks, Ray. See you soon."_

"'_Kay, bye Neela."_

"_Bye." _

He needed to calm down- so Ray sat, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, she was right there. She looked beautiful and confidant as she searched for someone, him. He stood up and when she spotted him, a smile broke out on his face.

"_You smile  
you smile  
oh and then the spell was cast  
and here we are in heaven  
for you are mine at last"_

She ran for him, jumped into his arms. Ray felt Neela relax as his arms wrapped around her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her full on the mouth.

"It's good to be home. I missed you."

"I missed you, too, babe." They kissed again, long and passionately. She was back, finally, in his arms.

It was later that the two lovers found themselves in bed. Neela's head rested on Ray's bare chest, fingers tracing invisible circles on his warm skin. Ray just held Neela, breathing in the scent of her. He felt so content, just being together like this.

"Ray?"

"Hmm?"

"I forgot to mention this, but… I kinda told Abby about us." Neela looked up at Ray, expecting him to be upset.

"That's okay. The whole hospital knows about us now."

"What!" She sat up, glaring down at him.

"Well, they already knew how I felt about you. I just told Pratt, who told Jerry, who told everyone else that we were actually together." Neela groaned and nestled back down.

"It's fine, I suppose. But I hope you realize I'll be dubbed the new E.R. slut." Ray just chuckled.

"I don't care. You must be, or how else could I have gotten you in bed?" Ray winked at Neela, who smirked.

"Is that what you think? Because I beg to differ." She changed positions on him, straddling his hips. Their eyes met, both sparkling with amusement. Ray just kissed her.

"I love you, Neela." He said quietly, with all sincerity, once they parted a few minutes later.

"From the lips of a heart- breaker, who now is mine." She laughed; take those same lips in another kiss. "I love you, too" She whispered.


	18. Take Me Out to the Ball Game

_**Chapter Eighteen: Take Me Out to the Ball Game**_

"Oh, he's adorable. It does get annoying when he won't let me do anything for myself." Abby laughed.

"I believe you. Then again, he's always been very protective of you, Abby." Susan said. "I'm sure he's just wants to make sure you don't have any more scares. It's charming, really. So you can't get out of bed at all?"

"I'm not supposed to leave the house or be on my feet for more than 10 minutes at a time. But Luka took me outside one day last week when he got home. We sat in the backyard under a tree. I fell asleep and burnt my legs. I've never enjoyed being slathered with aloe gel so much." Susan chuckled on the other line.

"At least one of us is having fun. Bed rest was hell for me. I'm amazed that you would even want to leave the house at all in that heat. I saw the temperatures for Chicago yesterday; it ain't pretty."

"It wasn't that bad, mid- afternoon with a breeze. Anyway, he's hovering because he's a little worried. There was an incident with a wine bottle." Abby was embarrassed to admit to her friend that she had slipped with her drinking.

"What happened?"

"My dad died. I told you about him, didn't I?"

"Yeah, he showed up at the house wanting to talk. He's dead? I'm so sorry, Abby."

"I didn't even know him, really. I was just upset over missed opportunities. Anyway, I got a little depressed and found the wine that Luka thinks I don't know about. It's fine that he has it; just because I can't drink doesn't mean he can't. He came in just as I sat down with a glass." She heard Susan gasp on the other line.

"What did he do?"

"Surprisingly, nothing too dramatic. He watched me for a minute; I think I really scared him."

"Of course you scared him. You're a reformed alcoholic, 7 months pregnant with his child, sipping on a glass of wine."

"I would never drink enough to harm the baby. A glass of wine every now and then is actually healthy for you."

"True, but I don't think Luka was quite with you there. Anyway…"

"He drank it. He downed the whole glass."

"I would've expected him to blow up."

"Me too." Abby paused. "You know, he really handled it well. I was being very… difficult. He asked how many glasses I had and I snapped at him. He completely disarmed me by not yelling back. It's little things like that, that remind me how much we both have changed."

"He's always been a sweet guy, and he really loves you. A blind man could see that."

"Yeah, I know. He reminded me he wasn't Carter; that he would never condemn me for a glass of wine. I told him about my dad dying, that he came to say goodbye and I wouldn't let him. And then he just held me while I cried. I'm in love with the sweetest man alive. He really understands me, Susan." Abby said, her voice soft with wonder.

"It sounds like it. I'm just can't believe he managed to calm you down without throwing things or yelling." Susan heard a scuffle on the other end. Abby _giggled_? "Abby?" She was completely ignored. She faintly heard Abby yelling at Luka, half-hearted. Both were laughing.

"Hi, Susan." Luka said, a little out of breathe, his Croatian accent stronger than she'd ever heard it before.

"Hey, Luka." He chuckled, at Abby, she supposed

"Luka, give me the phone back." Abby voiced from somewhere near the phone.

"No, it's my turn to talk to Susan. You've been on the phone for an hour." He complained. Susan did her best to hold back a smile. They were so cute together. What she couldn't see was Abby standing on the bed trying to get the phone from Luka who was standing a foot out of her reach. "How are you Susan?"

"I'm doing well, thanks. Are you excited about being a Dad?" _Again_, she thought, but didn't say.

"Yes, I am. It won't be too long now- two months. Are you going to come down and see us after the baby is born?" He waved Abby off as she tried in vain to reach for the phone.

"I'm planning on it, although- between Cosmo, Chuck, and the hospital- it's going to be interesting." The two laughed.

"I know how that is. Well, let us know when you're coming down. We have plenty of room in this house of ours."

"I will. Is it time for that surprise you were telling me about?"

"Yup, I'll let you know how it goes. Bye, Susan."

"Bye, Luka." Susan hung up with a smile on her face. It didn't last long, thanks to a page from the hospital. _Back to life._ _They sound so happy and after all they've been through- it's about damn time._

When Luka hung up, he turned back to his glaring, pregnant girlfriend.

"I was in the middle of a conversation, Luka." He gave her his boyish grin.

"I think you'll like my plans better. Besides, you were only talking about me."

"You were listening to my conversation!"

"No, but that just told me it was true." She put her hands on her hips, lips pursed unhappily at him.

"That's playing dirty." He just laughed.

"I wouldn't talk if I were you. You were playing pretty dirty last night." Abby's jaw dropped. Once she recovered, she huffed.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed it because that's the last you'll be getting for a while!" She almost laughed at the look on his face. "Aww…come here." For once she was taller than him, standing on the bed. He wrapped his arms around what was left of her waist, burying his head in her shirt. She laid her head on his, playing with his hair. "I'm sure you'll survive; it isn't the end of the world."

"Maybe not for you…" Luka mumbled. He pulled back, dropping his hands to her hips, and kissed Abby's belly. "This is all your fault, you know." He whispered to the baby. Abby laughed.

"We had a big part in it. You can hardly blame the baby."

"Details, details." Luka looked up at Abby, kissing her soundly before lifting her from the bed. "Alright, ready to go then?"

"Go? I'm on bed rest. Remember the whole preterm labor thing?"

"Yeah, but I thought we might go out. Do you feel up for a baseball game?" Abby looked at him, surprised.

"Don't you remember the last time you tried to play baseball?"

"I'm not playing and I figured I might actually learn something." He gave her a lopsided smile.

"Who's playing?"

"Cubs vs. White Sox."

"At 'The Cell'? You got seats to the annual Cubs vs. White Sox game?" Abby practically squealed with excitement.

"It's a big deal?"

"You've been in Chicago for 6 years and don't know this is a big game? It's the two Chicago teams playing against each other." Abby couldn't believe it. Luka just shrugged.

"I've never really cared that much about baseball. This will be my first game."

"Well in that case, we have to get the foam hands and hot dogs! You can't go to a baseball game without having hot dogs."

"What about crackerjacks." Abby made a face. "Okay, maybe not." He took her hand, kissing her knuckles. "Let's go."

As they entered the stadium, Abby started singing:

"_Take me out to the ball game,  
Take me out with the crowd;  
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks,  
I don't care if I never get back.  
Let me root, root, root for the home team,  
If they don't win, it's a shame.  
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,  
At the old ball game."_

Luka gave her an odd look.

"Don't tell me you've never heard that song." Luka shook his head. "It's an American classic!"

"Okay…" Abby sighed.

"You've got a lot to learn, bub."


	19. After All

_After All by Peter Cetera_

_**Chapter Nineteen: After All**_

The night was warm as Luka and Abby strolled the path by the lake after the game, hands entwined. Abby had forgotten how much fun baseball games could be. She was strictly a White Sox fan and whenever they ran a home run, she screamed herself hoarse. Luka, adorable as he was, had not a clue what was going on and Abby had given up trying to explain it to him in the first inning. While he was fascinated by the sport; he also was simply content to watch her watching the game and buy whatever she wanted. Personally he thought that foam hands were ridiculous, but Abby had looked so cute waving it around and cheering for her team.

A walk along the lake had seemed to be the perfect ending to a wonderful evening.

They reached a bench overlooking the water, a nervous Luka glanced at his girlfriend. The location hadn't escaped Abby; it was the bench where she had told him she wanted to keep the baby. Didn't think he'd ever be that happy, this happy, again after his family died. But Abby brought back the laughter that, for him, life had been missing.

"Do you want to sit for a little while?" He asked, pointing to the bench.

"Please, my feet are killing me and I'm sure my ankles are the size of cantaloupes by now." Abby tried to look down, but being as far along as she was made that almost impossible while standing. "I can't even see them." _Uh- oh._ Luka thought. _Here we go again._

"Your ankles are fine, Abby. Sit down, look." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. One glance at her ankles and her eyes welled up. _Shit._

"They're huge!" Abby said as big, fat tears rolled down her cheeks.

"They are not. A little swollen, yes, but you're pregnant. It's all part of the process."

"That doesn't help. I'm tired of being fat." Luka learned to deal with her mood swings, the cravings, and the fatigue. But this was something he just couldn't get through to her about. Abby was a very rational person; pregnant Abby, not so much.

"You aren't fat, you're pregnant. And beautiful, might I add."

"You're lying." He sighed. At least she had stopped crying.

"No, it's true and there's not a thing you could do to change my mind… because I love you. I don't think I'll ever stop… loving you. And it's more than just being _in_ love, what we have here is the real thing." Abby rested her head against his arm, taking his hand.

"I know." She said quietly. "It scares me sometimes… with the intensity."

"Yeah… me too. But I want this, Abby, with all my heart. I want you." She looked into his eyes.

"You've got me. We're together… finally. I mean, come on, we're having a baby for crying out loud."

"That doesn't mean anything, and you know it. I don't want to lose you again."

"And I feel the same way. I'm happy with the way things are."

"Are you really?"

"Yes. I am." Abby replied, almost indignantly.

"I'm not. Don't you want something more permanent than this? Because I want to make this… us, official. I want to marry you, Abby."

"Marry?" She shook her head adamantly. "Oh no, I'm not traveling down that road again. Marriage may have been a happy time for you, but mine ended in a divorce, remember? I don't want to ruin this and marriage would do that."

"You don't know that. Don't we love each other?" Luka asked, a little hurt. Abby softened.

"Yes, but that isn't it. I just… don't know if I can do it again."

"You never thought you could go back to med school, but you did. You never thought you would have children, but here we are. You are a different person now. You've changed a lot since you were with Richard. We can do this, Abby, I know we can." She looked down at their clasped hands, thinking. With a sigh, she gave in.

"Okay. As long as it's after the baby is born." Luka's face lit up with a smile. He leaned over and kissed Abby softly.

"_After all the stops and starts,  
We keep coming back to these two hearts,  
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall.  
After all that we've been through,  
It all comes down to me and you.  
I guess it's meant to be,  
Forever you and me, after all"_


	20. Epilogue

_A/N: Final chapter you guys. Sorry for the long wait and thanks for the patience. Thanks again to all my reviewers and special thanks to Eva and Jenny for their tremendous help with this fic! Hope you enjoy!_

'_High' by James Blunt_

**Epilogue**

"_Beautiful dawn- lights up the shore for me._

_There is nothing else in the world,  
I'd rather wake up and see with you."_

Luka stood by a window in the hospital room. The sun was rising over the lake. He gently rocked the small bundle in his arms, speaking quietly in Croatian. He almost couldn't believe this moment was here. Years of dreams and hopes all fulfilled in one little human being.

Eighteen hours of labor. He'd forgotten what it felt like to be a nervous father- to- be. Abby had called him every name in the book until she finally accepted the epidural the nurse offered. That never changed. It seemed as though everyone they knew in the hospital came up to say hello and good luck. Even Carter, who was in town for a few days, stopped by.

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" Abby asked softly from her bed. He stared down at the child in his arms. Vesna Aaralyn Kovac. She was perfect. Ten fingers and ten toes. Vesna had her mother's pouty lips and heart shaped face; her dad's glossy, black hair and long body. A tiny hand grabbed onto his pinkie finger.

"Absolutely stunning." He replied, voice husky with unshed tears. He'd never been so happy. Luka sat on the edge of the bed, handing over his daughter to her mother. He just watched them. It hadn't been so long ago that he despaired of ever being content in life. All his attempts at family had ended in disaster.

"_Beautiful dawn - I'm just chasing time again.  
Thought I would die a lonely man, in endless night."_

But not this time. He smiled as Abby chatted tenderly to a sleeping Vesna. He abruptly halted her words with a kiss. She looked up at him, surprised.

"What was that for?"

"It was a thank you. You're amazing. You know that, don't you?" He allowed the back of fingers to lightly graze her cheek. He kissed her again, lingering a little more this time.

"_Beautiful dawn - You're just blowing my mind again.  
Thought I was born to endless night, until you shine."_

"I love you, Luka." Abby whispered, leaning her forehead against his.

"I love you, too." He pulled away, taking a peek at their baby. "We did good." He bragged with a grin. The new parents gazed down at their gorgeous daughter, already completely enchanted by her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The following spring, Luka and Abby officially and publicly promised themselves to each other. Abby's mom, Luka's dad, Vesna, Susan, Carter- they were all there. As they lay together that night, Luka kissed Abby's temple.

"You're beautiful, so beautiful, Abby." He murmured against her skin. She looked into his eyes, his stunning green eyes, and saw everything she'd ever wanted there. They were in love, utterly and completely.


End file.
